The princes as my mates.

Moving on or sticking around?

I expected death to be either extremely dark or extremely bright, so you can understand my confusion at the expanse of grey stretching in all directions in front of me. I expected the screams of the damned or the joys of the victorious so the crushing silence is disorienting. I expected people not to be utterly alone. I expected to be pain free after the dead aren't supposed to feel anything, at least not at the beginning before the torture starts. So why did my head feel like it was about to explode. Suddenly everything changes and despite my best effort I jump, I should be use to sudden changes by now but I can't fight automatic reaction and instantly go on the defense. I'm shocked at what I see, my parents, my birth parents standing in front of me with bright smiles on their faces. I'm torn, I'm happy I get to see my parents but why do they seem so fucking happy to see me dead? Shouldn't they be sad to see me? I mean come on now, I lived a shitty life and now I die after finally getting some semblance of a family and the hint of a happily ever after. My parent's chuckle and I raise an eyebrow wondering what is so funny about being dead. They just shake their heads and walk over to hug me which I stiffly allow before relaxing and wondering if I am letting ghosts or zombies hug me. My father beams at me and finally speaks in his deep rough voice,

"You know we can hear you sweetheart." My face flushes and I look at them while my father continues to talk, "you aren't dead, you are in limbo. Your fate has yet to be decided. What happens after this will depend on you, you get a say on if you live or die." I want to shout of course I want to live, my mates are back there my new family everything. I finally have something worth living for. My thoughts are once again disrupted by my all-knowing father who has now changed the expression on his face to a cross between pity and a small dose of anger. "But before you decide fate has a few memories to show you to help you make your decision. I am so sorry you have to go through this baby girl. Just know your mother and I love you and we never left you even if you couldn't see us." I look around confused waiting for an explanation but all I get is a hug from my mother and a kiss on the head from my father before they fade away, defiantly ghosts or maybe holograms. The world starts to spin and I fall on my ass and shut my eyes to help prevent a repeat appearance of the last meal I ate. When I open my eyes I feel like I am floating and I wonder why fate hates me so much. In front of me is memory, one I would like to forget which if I am being honest is pretty much my entire childhood but this is where it all started. It's a week after my parents have died and they are putting me with my first family. The nice lady who has been taking care of me said they are a sweet couple and nothing bad will happen to me. I smile up at her and swing my short legs back and forth waiting for my new family. They walk in hand in hand and smile at me, they give me a hug and sign the papers and that was the beginning of the end for me. The start of my nightmarish life. They took me home and it wasn't too long after she was killed in a hit and run and he became my first abuser. I watch from above, nothing but an observer to the abuse I suffered. Fate wasn't letting me off easy, I watched the whole thing play out in front of me and I got the feeling that fate wasn't close to being done with me. The world spins again but this time I don't feel it, I'm still in the whole out of body experience. This time I relive my rape, and then the death of my unborn child, my suicide attempt and failure, moving to foster home to foster home and becoming someone else's punching bag. There isn't one sighting of my friends of family. It is nothing but one tragedy after another. A voice floats through my head and I flinch thinking of the angels.

"It's time to make your choice sweetheart. Back to earth and the memories or move on to peace." There is no malice in the voice, she simply wants to know my choice and I get the feeling fate doesn't care either way. The war has been fought there is no use for me among the living. And living was always hard for me, the memories have always been hard. I could just let go and drift away from it all.