Douleur (boyxboy)

Chapter 1

It is my fault why they died. It is my entire fault. I should have followed what they said to me. It never should have happen, I am a failure! I don't deserve to live. Now I am crying, crying because it is my fault. I am a mess now, I've been crying for half an hour, but I can't stop crying, and I guess I will not stop. After all it is my mistake.

"My fault" and I sob again.

The door opened gently and Patrick came in, water on his left hand. But as I saw him I buried my face on my hands and tried to calm myself but I found it impossible and then he hugged me.

"It is not your fault ok? So please don't blame yourself" He tightened his hug and said "Come back to me please"

He is always gentle, his voice, everything in him is so calm, he always knows what to say, especially when I am down. I've always blamed myself for my parent's death; I never should have called them. Now it is only me and my brother—Patrick, he took care of me since our parents died. He left school because he had to take care of me and he started working and I was only 11 years old when they died.

"It's my fault. It is my fault!" I cried.

He took my hands and looked at me. His eyes are full of concern, so gentle. He gave me a small smile, and took me into a hug again.

"It's not your fault ok? It was an accident. Everything was an accident." He began to caress my back. "You never knew that it would happen ok?"

I am really lucky that I have him as my brother. He always know how to take my pain away momentarily but it kept coming back no matter how hard I tried to forget it. He broke the hug and looked at me, his eyes searching for answers. I nod.

"Now, cheer up! I have some water for you" He said and stood up to went out of the room but before he got out of my room he said, "Get dressed little bro, we are going to eat outside"

"I am not little anymore!" I said, now I feel like everything will be ok, and I can't help myself but smile a little.

My brother is the best, he knows how to handle me, and I guess he is the only one who knows that. He told me to get dressed but before I will do it I must take a bath even though it'll be the fourth time today because I don't want the people to see me in a mess. They would judge me if I go out with a messy face. Besides it is already a habit of mine to take a bath more than one time in a day then I head out to the bathroom.

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I heard a knock on my door and I opened it quickly and Patrick was standing there, his face is plastered with a huge smile.

"Hey? Let's go?" and I nod at him.

He has this face that is really caring just by merely looking at him and he has this really gentle aura which makes him a very kind person. Well he is indeed a kind person. I can really say he is one of kind and it makes me kind of guilty that I am like this—a mess, and all he did was to take care of me and reassure me that everything will be ok even though at the back of my mind that it will not be ok because I know that it is all my fault.

Anyone would be lucky to have my brother because he is as good as he looks. I just do not want to cause trouble anymore but how would I do that when all I can think is I'm a complete mess? I cannot cling to my brother all the time because he has his own life, his own private life which doesn't involve an Alexander in it.

He is a good person and a good person deserves a happy life without a person like me in it. Having me in a life of a human is miserable. I guess. But I don't want to be alone forever that's just too bad, who would want that though?