Douleur (boyxboy)

Chapter 5

"Did you have fun Alexander? When you already know you like me, just tell me, don't hesitate. I had fun. Good bye"

I can't even go out of my room right now, I'm still trying hard to process what happened last night—the water, then the stew, then to the bathroom, then when he went out, when I went to my room and thought that I bumped to the wall but it was Nathan, and my right hand.

Thinking about it makes me want to vomit, I looked at my right hand like it caught a disease and it needs to be cut. I feel so disgusted. He just turned me into an instant pervert! What the hell? It makes me want to punch him right in his goddamn face. My thoughts last night came back to me and it gave me Goosebumps all over my body, I am so disgusting, wait no, he is the one who is disgusting. He made me a damn pervert.

How do you even think properly when you're under that situation? He just made me a pervert. What the hell. This is crazy—he is crazy. How dare he use me as a toy! That asshole!

Just thinking about it makes me want to die instantly. Finally I decided to stand up but I never noticed that I was already thrashing. My room is a complete mess. My newly ironed clothes are everywhere, my pillows, and all the things I was able to grab using my hands. It is a complete mess now.

My room looks like it was robbed. It looks like it was robbed, my mood began to drop. Why do I need to remember what happened before? Thinking about it makes my body turn into jelly. Then suddenly I remember what happened before. Now, I really don't have the mood to go out of my room. Mess here, mess there, this is so tiring, besides it is my fault. Wait, no. It is Nathan's fault, making me into an instant pervert.

I am now done arranging things and from a robbed-like room, to a clean and organized room. Well, my room is always organized. Sometimes Patrick would say:

"Your room is so organized that it looks like an OCD's room"

But his room, too, is well organized like mine. Well, before we moved here, our house was organized too, and I liked it. Mom and Dad likes a room that is well organized so we kind of got used to it, and even though they are not here anymore, we still like our room organized.

I went out of my room and figured out that I had a long sleep and Patrick already left. Well, apparently he left a note under a box of doughnuts on the table. And he already cooked breakfast for me.

The doughnut is from Nathan, but from what I remembered last night, something happened so I brought his clothes to a laundry store. Get it and bring it to his place, you know where he lives right? So I've decided that he will be your tutor due to your low grades, I hope you're not mad at me for having him as you tutor.

Well, this doesn't happen every day; my brother would like to talk things in personal. But he had an important call last night; maybe that's why he left early today. His handwriting is easy to read, sometimes. There are times when he writes fast, and when you read it it's like you're trying to figure out what a child drew. So basically, all he did was scribbling. But to him it was writing. My handwriting was always small, and the letters are close to each other, when people see it they would say "Is this yours? It's so cute!" but how did letters became cute? Is that a new compliment now? I don't think it would matter to me at all.

Ok, last night, everything was my fault. I know that I caused trouble again. No matter how I try to escape it, it's like trouble is attached to me, like it's a part of me already. But, I hate being the one who causes trouble. His shirt and even his pants were wet—from water, and from the stew. But I didn't mean to do it. Would there be a room from exemption? I guess not. He even made me wipe him, and in my room. And the thought that that goddamn pervert would be my tutor is complete madness.