Douleur (boyxboy)

Chapter 11

Bacon, eggs, pancakes, and coffee, I don't know he if drinks coffee but I made him one. The question is will he drink a crappy coffee that I made? Well, all I have to do is wait and see his reaction if he'll ever drink it.

Will he even drink it after what I said last night? My mood dropped as soon as I remembered what happened last night, I don't know why but my body feels weak now. How do I show myself to him? Should I act cool? I think I'll apologize to him; after all it was my fault.

His door slammed opened and out came a messy haired Nathan, he walked down the stairs going to me—wait, no, to the chair, he sat on the chair without saying a word to me. I know I deserve it but why the hell does it hurt?

We started to eat, and I thought this will be a silent meal until he talked.

"Yeah you're right; I don't know how it feels because I wasn't you" He said and he stood up and went to another room and I don't know what is inside it.

I feel shattered right now; I didn't know that it would hurt me when all he did was leave me here. I feel like my tears are going to fall, why does my heart hurt right now? Is this normal? How can a pained heart be normal? I don't understand this anymore, I don't understand why it hurts. I know it was my entire fault but I never expected the outcome to be so painful like this.

I thought my first morning here is going to be good but now it isn't and it's all because I said something horrible to him last night. Yes, I feel so guilty, but my question is: does being guilty involve an ache in your heart?

I positioned my arms on the table and rested my head on it. I felt a wet drop on my arms. Tears. Why did it come out? I am so stupid. Another dropped on my arms. I smiled painfully, it's my fault and I can never blame him for that.

I felt a cold hand ruffling my hair and I jerked away, surprised. Nathan is standing in front of me with a face full of shocked. I realized that I was crying so I wiped my tears away and ran to the stairs, and he followed me.

"Alexander" He said with a concerned tone.

"Hahahaha, this is nothing, I'm okay" I said while still wiping the tears away.

"I'm sorry"

"Oh, don't be silly Nathan" I walked near the room and stopped to look at him, "Nothing is wrong" I smiled at him, "See? I'm ok"

He went near to me and ran his thumb across my cheek.

"I'm sorry, I never should've said that" I sobbed.

"It's my fault. I never should've left you there. Now is the time to stop to think about yourself because I am here to take care of you" his face now closer to mine, he was about to kiss me when I stepped backward away from him. His eyes confused now, sorry but this is the right time I'll be asking him why me.

"Nathan? Am I a toy of yours?" I asked him in a weak voice.

"That's ridiculous Alexander"

"I know it is ridiculous but I'm tired ok? I am tired of thinking that all I am is..." I gulped nervously, "a substitute for my brother"

His eyes softened, he stepped forward to me but every time he'll do it I'll step backward.

"Alexander you're not a substitute for Patrick"