Austin Cowler, My Story

IX

This has been my story, or at least what of it I am able to tell. This piece of my story told the trials and tribulations that one must endure in attempting to come out, which I still haven't done with my parents even after all I have done to try to accept myself for who I am. Even after everything, fear still exists, or at least the fear of fear itself, the fear of being fearful in the face of adversary.

Even beyond that, My first relationship, a pretty good one in fact, that crashed and burnt into a sad rotten crisp as most good things in this world tend to do. But i'm over that, because unlike most things, I stopped caring and I forgot. I lost interest and just walked away from what was once a tragic misfortune and is today nothing but a distant memory, one I should never have to deal with again.

I've had commitments as well, ones that consumed hours and hours of my time but I eventually moved on from. Commitments like marching band, which I honestly can't wait to get out of my life forever. It is commitments like these that tell parts of my story, chapters my life, but unfortunately they tell chapters that have been ignored, some torn straight form the book that contains my story and thrown directly into the nearest trash can.

There have however been commitments I remained in like theatre, which is hopefully going to dominate the remainder of my high school career. Commitments like these are what keep me going, commitments that make me feel important, like good company, like someone who truly matters. these commitments are the axis that my world revolves upon, and my world would spin off course and into chaos without said axis.

And finally, home. Home is a complex subject in many ways, as it is defined differently in the eyes of each individual. Some say home is where your heart is, so what houses what you love is what houses you. Some say it's where your family lives, and some say it is simply the roof above your head. Also no home is the same, and whether that makes one home better or worse than another depends entirely on perspective.

And now we're here. After the trials and tribulations of coming out which remain undefeated, and beyond relationships, vacations or homes, or even commitments from good to bad and from permanent to temporary, there are stories. Stories are what tell about these issues, as well as a myriad of other things aside from them. They tell about people, situations, experiences, and desires. Stories, or at least what we can define as a story, are the sharing of memory, and the spreading of personal experience. Whether you do so in a positive or negative light is up to you, but this is my story, or at least what of it I am able to tell you.