My Art Book and Randomness

REALLY BRAIN!!!

So sometimes my brain randomly thinks-

"I wanna go insane, lets not take our sane medicine tonight!"

and I end up getting this really fuzzy feeling inside, along with excitment and nervousness.

So that night I don't take my meds and stay up talking to myself that night about how I'm never going to take my meds again because I feel normal. Then when the next morning rolls around and I'm a complete sychopath ((I know I spellt it wrong, don't jude me.))!!! Like I'm cussing my parents out, laughing for no reason, watching scary movies and laughing at the bloody scene's, and going absolutly insane! Then my parents are all like "you didn't take meds did you?" And I just sit there and laugh!!! 

Then my parents hold me down, shove my meds down my throat, and I go to sleep because my meds put me out.

So the next morning I wake up remembering, absolutly, nothing from the day before. And I go through my journal and drawings and there's creepy ass art work, stuff written down that scares me, my computer has like 40 different youtube videos with horror stuff on it and I'm just all like-

"What the fuck happened?"

So I come out of my room in short shorts, a tank top, and my hairs all out of wack. I go into the living room and then BAM!!! I'm being yelled at because of not taking my meds and shit. So I just blow it off what their saying and go to the kitchen and I look around and IT'S A COMPLETE HELL HOLE!!! LIKE OH MY GOD DID WW3 JUST GO DOWN IN HERE???  So like any normal child I ask my mom, "what happened?" And she's just all like-

"We were cleaning house, you didn't take your meds, and now you have to deal with it."

So I complain and clean the kitchen anyway. Then the next night, it happens again. I refuse to take my meds, and shit goes down all over again. 

I don't know why I do this, but I need to stop. Really someone needs to help me, because my therapest don't do shit. I need people to talk to, and quit truthfully human interactions. I feel like shit today because I didn't take my meds yesterday. Like Uhhhg!!!