My Art Book and Randomness

Went to my therapist. and this was our convo...

So that chappy a I wrote yesterday about reality I printed it today and took it to my therapist, and this was our conversation.

T ((Therapist)): Why do you live in a fantasy world?

Me: people scare me, life scares me, and everything either makes me depressed or gives me anxiety.

T: Well why are you afraid of reality? 

Me: Society. Everyone is always happy, except for those who don't go along with society. And those people are the best type of people, but the thing is people bully them so much that they end up thinking something is wrong with them. When in reality nothing is wrong with them. They are wonderful, beautiful, and great people. 

T: Why do you like horror and death?

Me: Ever heard the phrase "I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me."? Same applies with death and horror. I had no intention of liking death or horror. In fact when I was younger the movie "The Wizard of OZ" scared me. But when I was bullied I lost emotional feeling. I went numb, and my heart turned went stone cold. I can't feel love, sadness, or any emotional feeling at all. All my friends see me as the happiest of the group, but as many times as I tell them "I can't feel emotion because I'm bullied." They don't understand. And still see me as the happiest. I have told my friends over an over, and I've even shown them. But they didn't either understand, or they just didn't care. It sometimes angers me and I some times feels like I'm talking to rocks. 

T: I see...... *writes stuff down*

Me: *silent*

T: Well I can understand your frustrations your having. But your life actually looks better and looks like your mood has improved quit a bit since the last time I saw you.  I say we schedule a meeting every 2 weeks instead of our regular weekly visit, because your fine.

Me: You think I'm fine? How the heck am I fine?! I'm still emotionally numb, anxiety still attacks me out of the blue, and I'm more depressed then ever!!!!

T: Well this note says differently! And can you lower your voice, don't want people thinking your crazy.

Me: Ma'am I know your not dumb, but your not any smarter then a pile of rocks! First off, I can't tell you how much I am hurt emotionally. You may expect some big reason from my past. But let me tell you this- I DON'T REMEMBER MY PAST AT ALL!!! EVERYTHING BEFORE THE AGE OF 6 IS MENTALLY BLURRY!!! I DON'T KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS, WERE I WAS BORN, OR ANYTHING IN MY BABY LIFE!!!! I HAVE TO RELY ON WHAT PEOPLE TELL ME, AND SOMETIMES I GET TOLD 47 DIFFERANT THINGS FROM THE SAME PERSON, WITH DIFFRENT ENDINGS!!! If I could remember my childhood I would. I wanna know about my family, but not even my aunt who adopted me knows! It's very frustrating!!! *keeps yelling at person*

T: Brianna stop it! That's a big pile of Rubish! 

Me: Fine next time I see you I might as well be dead! *Walks out*

So as you can tell it didn't go so well for me. I don't understand how I'm "Fine", but whatever.