She's Gone

The Hardest Part of Living is Just Taking Breaths to Stay

When I got home, I rushed to my room and slammed the door shut. I grabbed my iPod and headphones and blared my TØP based playlist and slumped down against my door. This isn't reality. She couldn't have forgotten me and thought all of her memories with me we're with Chris. This can't be real. It's not possible.
That's what I told myself every god damn day.
Day after day it got harder, every day I saw them together during homeroom, during lunch, hell he walked her to every class, so I saw him with her four times a day. I tried to make her see but she wouldn't listen. Her friends who hated Chris and knew Kate hated him didn't question her suddenly being his girlfriend and then being together all of the time.
I stopped going to soccer and hockey practices and games. I started skipping school and class. I started wearing only black, color reminded me too much of the happiness from the memories I had with Kate which had now turned to pain. I found it harder and harder to believe in Christianity, the faith I had believed in all my life. I stopped getting my hair cut and just hid behind my new fringe. I started smoking, I started drinking alcohol, I did drugs, I hated everything I tried to stop the pain of Chris and Kate being together. The only rest I had from the hell of my life was sleep; in my dreams Kate was always calling out to me and asking me to do one thing, but I never remembered what it was. I had become depressed and suicidal. I cut, I tried to get my hands on a gun to shoot myself and make my destiny stoppable but I couldn't. One day, the pain became too much, and I realized the only way I had happiness was in those confusing dreams. I found my brother's prescription Oxycodone, a narcotic pain relief drug, and poured half of the bottle into my hand, while in my room.
"Thomas?" a voice said.
"What? Who said that?"
"Thomas? Can you hear me? It's Kate Ryan. I'm begging you please do one thing for me. Please just wake up. I need you to wake the fuck up," it was Kate's voice. "Just wake up, you're stronger than this. Just wake up...." She broke off into loud sobs and I couldn't hear Kate anymore.
"Kate! Wait! No! Come back!" I yelled, realizing her voice wasn't going to come back. "Don't worry, I'll be at peace soon enough...." I said right before I swallowed the pills. I felt nauseous, constipated, and drowsy after swallowing them. I felt my heart beat slow down and weaken, and it became more and more difficult to take air in with every breath until it all went dark...