"Ooh he's gorgeous. Look Lois isn't he absolutely gorgeous?"
"Who Ma?" I asked peeking my head into the adjoining room.
"Him!" She pointed towards the black and white picture.
"Ooh I bet he'd make a nice husband too?" I squinted at the man lip syncing a romantic ballad while dividing his attention between the camera and the swooning ladies below.
"Paul Anka Ma?" I went back to scouring pots.
"What's wrong with him?"
"Nothin', it's just that he's a little old for me."
"He is not, he's about 25 years old."
I removed my yellow rubber gloves and went into the living room.
"Ma this show is at least 40 years old. Paul Anka is old enough to be my father, maybe even grandfather."
"Well it wouldn't hurt you to find a nice boy."
I sat down beside my mother who was curled up in the corner of the sunflower printed sofa, the remote control clutched tightly in her hand. She was on the far side of 50 with short salt and pepper hair. Her purple jogging suit and blue fuzzy slippers clashed with the bright yellow décor. Bifocals sitting on top of her head explained the attraction to Paul Anka.
She sang along with Paul as he looked adoringly at the brunette at his feet.
"This is not a lucky lavvvvvve!"
"Puppy love Ma."
"What?"
"Puppy love not lucky," I repeated.
Unfazed by the lyrical error, she began to sing again and then stopped.
"Well she likes him!" She pointed to the brunette who now screamed uncontrollably, her hands covering her contorted face.
"She looks like her butts on fire!"
"She crying because she likes him!" She said slapping the back of my head.
"No she's crying because she's star struck and probably because they paid her," I argued.
"I wish you'd find a nice boy and settle down"
"Aw Ma, can't we go one night without having this discussion?" I stood up and retreated back to the kitchen.
"And it wouldn't hurt you to put on a little makeup and do something with your hair," she yelled behind me.
Leaning on the sink, I stared at my distorted reflection in the chrome plated faucet. "I resent that."
The grandfather clock in the hallway chimed its deep monotone sound seven times.
"O.K. Ma, I'm off to the market and then home." She waved in acknowledgment.
YOU ARE READING
Story of My Life
HumorSweet Lois Phinney hasn't had a lot of luck with the opposite sex. When her mother and nosy next door neighbor try to encourage her to get out there. Lois decides to become the master her own destiny. This is a short story I had written almost 20...
