Aftermath

1 (Rewritten)

I walk up Jeanine's front walk, and I'm immediately met by a man I recognise as Dom Collins. An Erudite guard who trained in Dauntless.  I realise he's been assigned to guard Jeanine's house, as she is a target of Divergent rebels right now. Not a target- rather the sole and most important target.
I had to see if she was alright- whether she liked it or not. She's almost always rejected my care and compassion for her.
I am soon face to face with Dom.
He raises an eyebrow at me immediately, but doesn't move from his stiff stance.
I know he recognises me- I can see it slowly spread across his expression. He's most likely seen me with Jeanine around Erudite HQ.
"May I gain clearance?" I ask, and he looks me up and down.
I know he's wondering my name, so I say it before he can even ask.
"Ben Harrows. Call Jeanine if you wish." I say. That is how one gains clearance into Jeanine's house- through her approval only.
He takes out a phone, not taking his eyes off me.
He's rather good at his job. 
"Jeanine? Am I to allow a man by the name of Ben Harrows in?"
He pauses.
He nods at me, ending the call and opening the door to let me in.
I'm sure he's a bit frustrated with how boring this shift has been, it's not as if anyone has tried to attack Jeanine or I wouldn't have been let in.
He closes the door behind me as I enter.
The room was dimly lit, and I could hear nothing. Absolute silence. I can see about as much as i can hear- pretty much nothing.
I walk in a little farther, noting that her house hasn't changed at all.
I find her sitting on her black couch, posture perfectly straight, hands folded in her lap.
She'd probably straightened up when she heard the door open. There's no way she can sit so perfectly all the time, I doubt she has enough core strength for that.
She glances up at me briefly before going back to staring off at the wall. The way she is acting strikes me as strange, even considering her unusual way of doing everything.
I sit down next to her on the couch and she stiffens quickly. I didn't even have to touch her for her to go as stiff as a board. I notice quickly that she's clenching her jaw, and her face is red and blotchy. Probably from crying, even if that was unlike her. Tears of frustration, no doubt.
Apart from these minor details, she seems to be acting as she usually is.
We sit in silence, tension heavy in the air.
Still, all I can hear is my breathing and her breathing. It seems to me she's breathing more quickly than usual. Stress is beginning to physically toll her, no doubt.
She glances at me, assessing me with that all knowing look of hers.
"Hey." I say finally while she stares at me.
Her stare is blank and I don't sense the usual amount of racing thoughts.
"Hello, Ben." she replies.
She sounds horrible. Her voice is scratchy and I wonder how long it'll be before her voice goes completely.
I know that her hoarseness is because of Tobias Eaton. Earlier today, he attempted to kill her by strangling her. I heard what happened through her employees that were present.
When she spoke just a moment ago, I saw a small indication of pain flash across her expression. Just a twitch, but an indication no less.
"Stop looking at me like I'm some sort of kicked dog, Ben." she snaps sharply, though most of the edge of her voice is lost because she can hardly speak. I sigh. She's being her stubborn, closed off self- though I can't exactly blame her for her attitude tonight. Everything she has spent the last two years working on has just crashed and burned within the sum of an hour. She has to try and hide how disappointed she is.
I wrap an arm around her, and she tenses up immediately, pushing my hand off. "Let go of me if you value your life." she hisses, her voice cracking.
She swallows, though I'm sure that can't feel good.
I pull away, looking at her with a slight frown.
She usually let me hug her, even if briefly. She didn't tonight. To protect herself, I supposed. I don't understand why she was so touchy about me getting close. It's not as if i'm touching her. I'm simply trying to sit down next to my friend.
"Have you been crying?" I asks, and she glares at me. If looks could kill. I know she wants to yell at me, but I doubt she has it in her.
"Don't speak." she says, closing her eyes.
So I don't. But while she has her eyes closed, I rest my hand on hers, gently caressing the back of her hand with my thumb. She opens her eyes, and looks at me, but doesn't pull away this time. I can see the exhaustion on her face.
"Your hands are warm." she comments, her voice lowering to a whisper. She looks back at the wall instead of at my face.
"Are they?" I reply, and she nods.
Again, silence falls between us.
Almost telepathically, she answers the question I was asking myself in my mind.
"I knew you'd just keep pestering me until I let you. No use trying to fight you off." she says, raising her voice a bit more so I can hear her more clearly.
Obviously a mistake on her part. She starts coughing, and I look at her, my face full of concern and compassion.
She rolls her eyes at my kindness.
"What? Can I not cough without you regulating me? I'm fine, Ben." she says. I know speaking must be somewhat painful, even though it's been hours since she was attacked. I worry for her.
I take her hand instead of just rubbing it, and she closes her eyes again. She inhales through her nose and exhales through her mouth, obviously trying to destress, or even relax just a little.
I still find it slightly shocking that she maintains a perfectly straight posture.
She's so stiff and uptight, it hurts me to see.
I know maybe she'll let me hold her if I let her take it slow.
This couch is so stiff, and uncomfortable. I think she bought it simply because it's nice looking, not because it's practical.
She has a more comfortable couch in her home library.
She sighs before letting go of my hand and moving from the couch to the floor.
What the hell, Jeanine? How is that more comfortable than this awful couch?
She leans against the bottom half of the couch. She is so hard to understand, and her mannerisms are anything but normal.
I guess that's why I was drawn to being around her in the first place.
I don't agree with her change in location, but i'm not going to pass up sitting next to her.
So I move down onto her unforgiving hardwood floor.
She crosses her legs at her ankles and straightens both her skirt and her posture.
I cant help but roll my eyes. I guess she needs some of her pride back, I won't judge her too harshly.
I bring my arm around her again, gently forcing her head to the side so she'd rest her head on my shoulder. She knows she can't fight me forever.
She reluctantly puts her weight against me. She's trembling all over, just barely noticeably.
I pull my arm back and rest my hand against the floor to hold the both of us up. I just let her lean against me.
This isn't the most comfortable I've ever been, but it's doable.
I look down at her face, and I see that a tear has streaked down her face. I don't say anything- I pretend not to notice. She doesn't need me pointing out the weakness she hates so much.
So we continue our stint of silence, with her head resting on my shoulder and my hand behind her but not on her.
She finally decides to speak up.
"I'm scared, Ben." I hear her scratchy voice after about five minutes of silence. She sounds more scared than I've ever really heard her.
Her life is now at stake. Of course she's scared. Most human beings would be scared of such a thing.
"I know you are, Jeanine." I sigh.
I decide to wrap an arm around her regardless of how she'd react.
She stiffens, trying to push me off. Why is she resisting so hard without even explaining?
"Hey. Why are you pushing me away so hard? I understand not wanting to be touched, but can you at least explain?" I say, slightly irritated.
I take my arm away because clearly it was making her uncomfortable, and I don't want her to end up hitting me.
"I don't want to be touched." she snaps firmly. She is such a pain.
She isn't explaining her true feelings, but it's not like she's ever opened up and cried while telling me how she felt. That is not Jeanine's personality at all.
I respect her wishes and don't wrap my arm around her again. I don't bother speaking, I just keep my hand away from her.
She gets quiet, and within five minutes, I hear nothing but slow, even breathing.
She fell asleep.
Finally. She needs sleep so badly- I know it's been days since she slept more than four or five hours a night.
Why she always works herself to a point of exhaustion, I don't know.
I hear the door open, and suddenly Dom was standing next to us. I look up at him and give him a slight smile.
"She fell asleep, then?" he says quietly, looking more concerned than I would've thought he'd have been.
I nod.
"Yes. Has anything happened?" I ask softly. I worry he came in because there's a problem.
He shakes his head. "No, I decided to check on her." He explains.
I nod, humming to myself.
I know that if she wakes up now, she won't go back to sleep and she will drag herself through tomorrow, exhausted.
I'd seen her go about 2 1/2 days without sleep. She could do it, but near the end she'd always be falling asleep for short periods of time near the end and then jolting awake. I'd end up forcing her to go take a nap (which she saw no point in as she'd probably already taken an Advil, therefore it would go away soon and she could keep working.).
She was a stubborn workaholic.
"She won't let me touch her." I say when I see him staring at the weird position the two of us are in.
"She did get attacked. I don't exactly blame her." he shrugs.
I sigh. He's right, maybe that's why she's being so touchy and weird.
"Good point. This... is unlike anything she's really experienced." I say.
I glance back down at the sleeping woman against me.
Maybe I could try comforting her one more time.
I slowly put an arm around her.
But of course, that wakes her up.
"I'm fine, Ben, and what did i tell you about putting an arm around me?" I heard Jeanine's voice. I could tell she was still exhausted- and she was very close to losing her voice. I'm sure she's already had a medical exam. It's nearly 11 pm, so it had to be earlier today. I doubt her assistant would allow her to go without being looked over.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were awake. I can't imagine this is comfortable for you, I thought maybe that would help..." I try and reason with her.
She sits up just a little to face her guard.
"Is everything alright, Dom?" she asks, straining her voice.
"Yes, I was just making sure of that. I'll be outside." he says, turning to leave.
Before he can leave, Jeanine adds one more statement.
"Dom, do yourself a favour and call a replacement. That's obligatory." she calls out, wincing and rubbing her neck at the burning she probably just felt.
"Alright, ma'am, if you insist." he nods, and walks out of the door.
The door closes, and once again it's just Jeanine and I.
I look down at her, and bring her closer to me like she's been before.
"Go back to sleep. I won't put my arm around you. You just need rest to face your day." I said, and I watch her chew the inside of her lip. "You know I wasn't completely asleep. I was close, but not quite." she says, immediately coughing in attempt to regain her voice.
I watch as she tries to speak again, and all that comes out is something like a squeak.
She cringes in frustration. I know she's very unhappy with the loss of her vocal power.
"I know you hate this. Just rest your voice." I say gently, stroking her hair. She finally relaxes and rests her full weight against me. Finally.
She exhales slowly, adjusts her jacket, and lets her facial muscles relax.
"Goodnight, Jeanine." I whisper.
She decides to lie down in my lap, which is more comfortable for the both of us.
I run the tips of my fingers up and down her back, moving her hair out of her face and away from her neck. It'll be a long night on the floor, but oh well. Sacrifices must be made.
She'd let down her defences, but just for tonight's rest. She'd have to go back to being the version of herself everyone else knew. But it's alright, I know the real her. This is the real Jeanine, and i'm content with only seeing her sometimes.
I hear her clear her throat a few times. just enough to get out one sentence.
"Goodnight, Ben. Thank you." she whispers. I smile to myself. "You're welcome, Jeanine. Sleep well."
It doesn't take long for her to fall asleep. I am beginning to drift off to sleep as well. We were both on the floor- the hardwood floor. It was terribly uncomfortable, for me, anyway.
But it was alright- I'm tired enough not to be too particular about this situation.
It is suitable.
As long as Jeanine is calmed down.