attack on my brain

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finally something other than 1 word titles

possible tw, depression, mental disorders, talking in depth about a panic attack, harm to myself

today was good. better than expected really.

until tonight. i had a horrible panic attack.

when i have panic attacks they can get crazy. ill throw things, i'll cry and wheeze and hyperventilate. i almost broke the laddwr off my bed. tears were streaming down my face and i couldnt breathe. my heart isnt the best, it either pumps too fast or too slow and honestly i dont even know what it was doing. i couldnt feel it. my cheeks were stained with eyeliner and mascara. i was a mess. i sat on the floor banging my head against the metal of my bunk bed. i honestly dont know how im going to survive fucking spring break. i just cant deal with it.

i feel left out alot of the time. tonight it catched up on me. i broke. i snapped. im trying to keep mys2lf from.having a panic attack. again. i just wanna know whats wrong with me. i dont.want to be kept from my mind but I do.

i told mom about my results. she took it bettet than i thought.

i feel like my "friends" are only "friends" with me because they feel sorry for me.

i probably have 1 real friend. maaybe not that many chase lets get real here.

i just wanna sleep forever.

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