welcome to my mind

broke skin

trigger warning

fucking hell what is wrong with me

so on the 30th of last year i became clean from any form of self harm
including; cutting, rubbing my wrist against rough objects, and scratching.

cutting- i used to do it because i craved seeing blood.

rubbing my wrist against rough objects- it was slightly not as bad as cutting. i used to do it because it gave me the same *satisfaction of cutting. i usually broke skin.

scratching- i would do this when i get anxiety. i started when my das was comparing me and my sister. it was always on my forearm.

now i fucking broke my year clean.
back to the drawing board.

i cant take showers without feeling self hatered. my body became a fucking whale. i honestly dont know how i came to be this way.
actually i do.
i fucking eat everything i can. i cant have 1 handful like chips i have to have 3. give me the whole bag and its gone in 15 minuets.
i was also anorexic. i wasnt skinny anorexic but fuck i starved myself for awhile. 3 months. i had around 2,060 calories in the 3 months. i would purge but only if i ate a huge meal.

fuck i cant talk about that shit anymore.

im getting more into the grunge/rock music now.
i usually listened to pop rock and pop punk everyday.

melvins and the smashing pumpkins alice and chains and hole and mudhoney, pearl jam, soundgarden, screaming trees, mother love hole, stone temple pilots
i think theres more
i already listen to the foo fighters and nirvana

but yeah. i think i might download some pixes and stuff.