Facade

Chapter 29

   I threw open the doors to my castle and rushed to the staircase and then upstairs. My heart was pounding and my lungs hurt, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered when the one person you cared the most about betrayed you. Nothing mattered when no one in your life seemed to care about you.

   That was why, I returned home. Outside the castle had just as many terrible secrets as inside the castle, so I knew it was my best option. Staying home and at least trying to help my people was the only thing I could do now.

   My feet pulled me to Mother's room and I threw the door open. I was gasping and I spotted Mother immediately, sitting at her desk. Her eyes went wide when she saw me and she stood up quickly, looking stunned.

     "I will marry Philip," I said, placing a hand on my racing heart. "I am so sorry for being selfish."

   Mother blinked, looking as if she was in a daze. She stared at me like I was unreal and I let her, hoping she'd agree. I hoped I could just move on with my life and forget about Alex.

    "Where have you been?" Mother asked, finally zoning back in.

   "That doesn't matter," I answered. "Just understand that I'm sorry. I am so sorry."

   Mother left her desk and walked towards me. She looked older as she approached me - more tired. Guilt rushed into me and I realized I should never have been selfish. I should have just married Philip. If I had, my heart wouldn't have felt like someone had stabbed it.

   Once near me, Mother said, "Are you okay, Diana?"

    I shook my head and my shoulder slumped down. Tears swam into my eyes and it took everything in me not to start bawling. I didn't want to cry, especially in front of Mother.

    But to my surprise, she suddenly hugged me. She pulled me to her chest and suddenly, I began to bawl. I cried ugly tears and Mother began to pat my back gently. It was oddly comforting and I began to wonder if maybe I had made Mother to be this villain she wasn't.

    "Dear Diana," she said gently. "What's wrong?"

    "I don't want to talk about it," I muttered. "I don't want to ever think about it ever again."

    "Did something happen while you were gone?"

    I nodded and she pulled away from me. She kept her hands on my arms and I stared at her, noticing a sudden anger filled her eyes. I gulped at the sight.

    "This is why you stay with me," she suddenly said, eyes hardening. "Have you learned your lesson?"

    I stared at her, unable to understand her. Maybe I had judged her right.

    "You're the one who kicked me out though," I said.

    "I say a lot of things I don't mean," she said, sighing. "You shouldn't always believe me."

    "I know I shouldn't." Anger filled my voice. "After all the secrets you've kept hidden, I should never believe you."

    To my surprise, Mother looked saddened by my words. Her eyes lost their anger and she sighed, stepping away from me. She placed her hands on her hips and shook her head.

    "I know I've lied and kept things from you," she said. "But it was never to hurt you. Whether you like to believe it or not, I do care about you."

    "You're horrible at showing it," I whispered.

    "I know and I'm sorry." Her eyes softened. "But you are my daughter and you mean a lot to me. I want what's best for you and everyone."

    It was hard to believe that, but at the same time I had never heard Mother sound so sincere. Maybe I was too eager to believe that someone cared about me, but my heart lightened up. It opened up to the idea that maybe, staying with Mother wouldn't be so bad.

    "Are you being honest?" I asked, whispering the words.

    "Yes," she said. "I am being honest."

    "Do you really think Philip will be good for me?"

    "I do." She looked away, towards her window. "I admit he's not perfect, but he will make sure you live a grand life. He'll make sure the both of us get what we deserve."

    "Is what you deserve his father?" I couldn't help but ask.

    She whipped her head to look at me, surprise written across her face. Then pain flashed before her eyes as she scowled. It was definitely a touchy subject.

    "No, King Henry is a fool," Mother said bitterly. "He would never dare leave his wife."

    "But he's cheating on her." I frowned. "He looks at you more than he looks at her."

    I was being honest. King Henry seemed to always be looking at Mother, even when his wife was around. It was like he couldn't help it, which made me wonder why he didn't just be with Mother then.

    "Like I said, he's a fool," Mother said, shaking her head. "Either way I won't be able to be with him once you're married to Philip. I couldn't possibly be with my daughter's father-in-law."

    At that, I realized Mother was sacrificing her own happiness too. I had always thought she was selfish, but the truth was she was trying to give everyone a better life. Just like I wanted, she was doing that by wanting me to marry Philip.

    "I will definitely marry Philip," I said. "I'll do it and you can quit your job."

   To my surprise, Mother suddenly smiled. She hadn't smiled in years, but she suddenly did. It wasn't a big one or a bright one, but it made me feel like I was doing the right thing. I really needed that after everything.

    "That's my perfect princess," Mother said, squeezing my hand quickly. "I am so proud of you."

   My heart stirred at those words, but I still didn't feel happy. It wasn't that I was miserable, but still I questioned what I'd be doing. I knew it was the right thing, but I also knew it wouldn't make me happy. The question was, was the right thing more important than my happiness?

   "I'll plan the wedding soon," Mother said. "It'll happen in a week."

   My eyes went wide at that, but I didn't say anything. Shock filled me because I thought I would have time. Time to get adjusted at the very least, but that was false. It made me uneasy, but still I didn't say anything.

   "You're doing the right thing," Mother said. "Now off to your room. I have work to do."

   I nodded stiffly and turned around. My heart felt heavy and I kept trying to tell myself that I was doing the right thing, but it didn't help. Knowing my freedom would be taken away from me in a mere week, I felt nothing but anxiousness. Still, it was better than being with the boy I couldn't trust.