Journal Of A Teenage Psychopath

8

I went to her house.

I Googled her.

She lives on 3346 none of your business lane.

Her mom was alright.

When I came to the door, she was making dinner.
She had a large butcher knife, and an apron with ketchup all over it.
I could smell meatloaf.
But the real catch was when her eyes widened in surprise when she saw me.
I got the feeling Angela didn't get too many visitors.
And I could see why.
Her mom looked like a bonified murder, ready to stuff me in her fridge.
Personally I'd prefer the freezer.

When Angela finally came down she looked surprised too.
I think she recognized me.

She tried to be polite, but was wondering what I was doing there.
Or how I even knew where she lived.

I skipped the pesky details and got straight to the point.

"Hey, can you lie for me?" I'd asked

She looked a bit confused. I'd taken her off guard.

"Umm... wait what?" I could sense she was preparing to just close the door - social courtesy or no - and I figured that I had two options.

A - play nice.
B - run this duck up a flag pole.

And while I normally hate plan A, I also knew that you can be mean after being nice, but you can't be nice after being mean.
Unfortunately I've had to learn that the hard way.
So I said,

"Please, you have to help me. That girl, Hailey I think," because if I recall correctly that might have actually been her name, "she got my boyfriend to dump me, and was coming up to rub it in my face, and I slapped her, and now the councillor wants to talk to you, because I had to tell them that she was bullying other people too. So would you please come and pretend to be my friend, and tell them about all the terrible things she's been doing to you?"

Angela raised her eyebrow at me.

"Well first of all I think your talking about Kailey, right?"

Hmmm. Yeah that sounds right.

"Oh yeah Kailey. Sorry. I'm just so flustered that I don't have my head on straight,"

"Er, right. Well I'm sorry too. I can't help you. I don't really want to get Kailey in trouble,"

Wait, wah.

"Yeah, she's mean sometimes, but she has a rough time of it, and I don't begrudge her anything."

"Well yeah, I mean I suppose I figured but - I mean aren't you at least a little perturbed? And don't you want to stop her from doing anything else to anyone else? To keep her from 'boyfriend' snatching anyone or something? How would you feel if it was your boyfriend?"

"Well, I don't really have one -,"

Go figure.

"But if you did -," I interjected.

"Well don't you think that if they leave you for another girl, that they aren't really worth it anyways? You don't need a boy to make you happy," she looked at me like 'can't you see my point of view? Move on,'

Sigh. Angela? You're preaching to the choir here.

"No, just listen. Come with me. We'll tell a few lies. And if you like I guess we can try to swing it so Kailey doesn't get in too much trouble. Please. They'll suspend me if you don't corroborate my story,"

I looked at her pleadingly.

She gave me a small frown.

"I want to help, I really do, but...,"

Suddenly a thought came to my mind. A sly smile slowly began to grow on my face.

"Hey, don't you collect comic books?"