Ed stops in the middle of the lounge like a deer stuck in headlights afraid of what my movement may be, I couldn’t handle all of this. I turn away from ed to give my roommate a cold dark stare, full of anger and unsaid words. Why would she do this to me? Although she doesn’t realise what history me and Ed had and how much this would hurt; she still shouldn’t have done it. She knows I have trust issues and this is another knife which has been inserted into my back with exerted force. Right now why couldn’t the floor just open up and swallow me, as I could feel ed’s piercing stare wash over my face and body taking in the fact of how different I now was. I could feel his pinical stare trying to gain my attention to look directly into my eyes; over anything I wasn’t going to let that happen. I looked directly at the floor whilst I semi spoke semi shouted at both ed and paige,
“Why the fuck did you put that tweet and picture of me on twitter Ed, and Paige why did you do this to me? Do you know what I don’t even want to know.”
“Beki just listen I want to talk, I want yo-“ Ed began to wade his way through thoughts, memories and flashbacks as he struggled to articulate what he was thinking, I couldn’t stand it.
“Ed just stop okay, since I left your life you’ve been doing great and have got an amazing career which Im so happy for you about but, you have been fine without me you don’t need me back. All I will be is just some unwanted baggage hanging around and that isn’t good for either of us, so why don’t you do yourself a favour and walk out of this flat and don’t look back because all I am is unwanted luggage that you don’t need.”
This left Paige absolutely speechless and thinking back to the old times Ed would usually stay silent whenever an argument broke out even if it wasn’t between us he would stay silent; but not this time he had obviously learnt to speak back. He looked down at his feet before looking back up directly at me and calmly saying;
“Beki look at me, how do you know what I want and don’t want in my life, and right now I want you to be a part in my life. The reason I put that tweet out is because you bumped into me and then ran off, I at least wanted to make sure you were alright, and no I’m not going to walk out of your life or let you walk out of mine that happened before and I regretted every day for letting it happen so easily, but now you’re back and you are not going anywhere”.
I looked directly into his face after he said this, a deadpan expression on my face whilst Paige went mental squealing of how she would be friends with THE Ed Sheeran; me and ed having an intense stare down, until I finally pulled away and began to clean up the spilt tea and shattered mug across the granite tiles. Ed walked across and tried to help by moving the bin close to me whilst I put the broken shards of china into. Whilst doing this Paige was dancing around until I shouted at her in frustration,
“Paige, shut up ! If you want to be best friends you actually have to talk to Ed so why don’t you go and talk together in the living room because frankly, you’re giving me a rather nasty headache”.
“Good idea Beki, come on Ed let’s go !” I was greeted by a giant beam on Paige’s face from this idea and a look of reluctance on Ed’s before he was successfully dragged off by Paige. Now was my time to plan. I finished wiping up the ruminants of tea and headed towards my tiny room. I sat down on my tiny bed, exhausted from such an eventful day tired of the many emotions I had felt today. I hadn’t realised I had fallen asleep until I felt someone gently touch my forehead, I kept my eyes shut and breathing deep so I wouldn’t alert them that I was awake; it was obviously ed by the smell of after shave which was intoxicating and also the fact that even if I had only been in his life for 5 minutes he still did excruciatingly gentle and caring acts such as putting me to bed. He began to mutter very quietly which I then realised that he was singing.
“And you will never know, just how beautiful you are to me,
But maybe I'm just in love when you wake me up”.
With that he had left my room and was talking gently to Paige by the front door,
“Paige, thank you so much for what you did, it was great to meet you. Yeah she’s asleep I just tucked her in I hope she won’t mind. No no, I’ll be around for the next few days, sure here’s my number. Just if anything happens don’t hesitate to let me know and if you can’t get straight to me call Stuart and tell him it’s yourself. No I’ll make sure he knows who you are. Take care love, bye”
With that the flat door slammed shut as it was so stiff; I heard the loud bolt signalling we were locked in for the night. Paige traipsed across the hallway to her room, door gently shutting with acoustic music drifting across the hallway towards my room. She definitely wouldn’t be arising from her room for the rest of the night.
I peeled my covers off myself to notice that ed had removed my shoes and socks and took off my jacket. He really did put thought into everything he did; but it didn’t matter. I pulled my satchel out from under my bed, rubbing off a couple pieces of lint and opened it. I took the few steps to my drawers and pulled out what very few clothes I owned, shoving them in my bag going through each step methodically in my mind. I finally reached my wardrobe dreading it, just hoping that tonight it wouldn’t collapse; but thankfully it didn’t. Again these were stuffed into my satchel leaving only a few items left in my room. I grabbed my laptop, charger and phone charger and stuffed them inside my bag too. The final thing left being myself and my journal, I’d stopped writing in it since I was thirteen, but I always kept it as it had photos of my past the happy times; pictures of me and ed.
On nights when I was drunk I would look through it, eyes too unfocused to read the words but focus enough to look at the pictures. I gently squeezed it in, wary of how the spine owned too many cracks and how pages were becoming loose. Now all it was a waiting game. Once Paige had fallen asleep I could walk away and no trace of me would be left.
