Dear My Reader

Meeting The New Girl

Marina and the Diamonds: Primadonna ^^^

OK, so this isn't going to be a letter. I figure if I really want to get this story going, I'm going to need to write a little about his outside life. So I thought, why the hell not? So here it is!

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I slowly climb up from my seat and stretch my legs. Closing the letter, I walk out of my cell. We get a recess once every 2 days, so I can just walk out. If they see any fights starting go happen the guards force us back into our cells. I stride over to dirty boy and slide my hand onto his lower back, rubing circles. He blushs but doesn't try to stop me. The girl is staring at us weirdly, eh. Homophobic bitch.

Then she slowly starts smiling and says, "Wow. You know, you two would make a fucking cute couple." And I feel my eyes widen slightly. Huh, maybe not so much a homophobic bitch. Dirty boys blush grows. I smirk and answer, "Thanks. I think I'm out of his league though." Dirty boy pushs my head with his hand and gracefully twirls out of my arms. What a flipping ballerina.

"No no. Hands off. If anything I'm out of your league!! I mean, have you seen this?" He says, gliding his hands over his body. I just roll my eyes, even though that was quite the show, and turn back to the girl.

"So what's you name and what business do you have with dirty boy?" I say seriously, looking her dead in the eye. I need to know if she's a threat, relationship wise or an actual threat. "Woah there, mama bear. The names Tinsley and why should I give you a reason? Are you his boyfriend? Please say yes? G.I. Joe over here needs a guy."

"Uh, excuse you. I don't need you to be my match maker, Tinsley. I can get my own guy if I want one. It's just..... not one my priorities right now." Dirty boy says confidently. Tinsley scoffs and turns away. The old man from before winks at her and she turns back towards us quickly again. She makes a gagging motion with her hands. I roll my eyes.

"Ughh, anyway. Y'all want some cookies? Ha! Kidding. I don't have any cookies. I wish I did though. Well, that whole sentence was pointless. Eh, I don't care anyway. Rambling is what I do best! I mean I really think I could go on forever just talking about different things. You know, sometimes I hesitate to say something cause I don't think I'm going to say it right. Cause like, I have this stuttering problem sometimes. Its so weird. It doesn't come out until I get scared to do something or-" I cut her off cause her annoying voice is making my ears bleed. And I tell her just that. She just answers with a, " Well dayyymmmm. Mamma got some sass!" Then she spins around and starts sashaying away. I make eye contact with dirty boy while raising an eyebrow. He just shrugs and starts chuckling.

"Whats so funny?" I ask him.

"Oh, nothin. Just..." He stops and starts laughing again. Then he just keeps laughing and laughing until he can't stop and he really looks like a dying seal. But, somehow, it's kinda cute. Except for the sounds he's making. The way he's bent over, with his eyes clentched together.... and his smile....

I turn around and stalk back to my stall. Ugh, stupid dirty boy. Making me feel feelings. Stupid feelings.

Stupid beautiful smile.

No.

Stupid musical laughter.

What? No! He... uh.... he sounded like a dying seal! I said that already!!!

But you don't mean it.

Shut up. Just shut up! You know what happened last time! I can't go through that again!!

Don't worry, you won't ever love dirty boy like you loved him.

YOU KNOW THATS DIFFERENT! I just can't do it again! The pain that I want through... mentally and physically... it was to much!

You're getting to worked up about this. I've barely said anything and you're over here snapping at me!

Ugh. I'm done for today. I don't need this.

Ha! Bitch please. I'm fabulous. You're just jelly of my belly.

UHHH. No. Just, shut up please. I already said I'm done.

But it's not that easy. You can't just.... shut them up. Their in your mind forever, just annoying you. Their in there for a reason though. To keep you for doing something you will regret, from... making mistakes. Like even talking to dirty boy, that was a mistake. I told the therapist that, but she doesn't agree. She doesn't understand. She doesn't have to go through this every day! I deserve sanity just as much as they do! What did I do to deserve this at such a young age! The ripe fucking age of 4! My mood changes so quick! This mask isn't me. Its not who I am. I just wish I could be me. Without going to jail. Ha, now that's funny. Being me. Who would let me do that? I don't flipping deserve it! No matter what they say! I don't deserve this insanity! No. I do. I deserve every little ounce. The words my parents called me rush back to my head...

You faggot! Who would love such girly twink?

On you knees and stay still! You don't want to get cut, now do you?

Cloths off! Were going to play a game. A dirty whore like you should love it.

I know where you going in the future! Prison, bitch. Like you could amount to anything else. Yeah right.

Eat the damn pill! Study! You need to be smart since you can't be anything else but gay.

I bang my head over and over again until I feel myself bleed, but the voices stay. I feel tears streaming down my face, but the voices still stay. They always stay, no matter what I do, no matter how much I hurt. Their unmerciful, unforgivable. I keep bashing my head, hoping they go away. All I feel is myself hitting the ground and I see dirty boy running towards me, tears running his face with Tinsley in tow.

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Hey! So...? No..? Well then. We finished our milestones last week! They actually weren't that hard, considering I don't ever play attention. But any who, we have a vocal test next week also, I found out today in enrichment. I'm going to learn two songs because I think we have to sing one in enrichment and one in connections. I'm singing My Immortals by Evenescence and When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars. What do you think? Let me know down in the comments and don't forget to vote!

Bye peeps!

P.S. The first breath is really the beginning of death.