Evanescent

Seventeen

2/15/16

Dear diary,

So I was supposed to be playing piano for Rachel's gig at Joe's, but she got strep and canceled. Which was a bummer because I said I couldn't go to Annie's Secret Cupid Party because it was at the same time. So I asked if I could come and just not participate, kind of awkward but I don't care.

Of course she said yes and I drove home. It's weird how I no longer call my own house home, right? Anyway, I walk in and they were already started so I just said hi to everyone and sat down. Dylan got Grace a poop emoji pillow because apparently it's an inside joke. Hanna got a Mystery Date game from Jaclyn.

Everyone had received their gift but there was one poorly wrapped present left on the kitchen table.

Of course Ash, who had received a monkey Fur Real Friend, was curious who the last one was for. Kylee went to check. She was wearing this skimpy hot pink dress that didn't even make it half way down her thighs. Barf. Anyway, the card on the box said,"For everyone...but mostly Nessa."

So I'm feeling really special, how did they know I could come though? They handed me the box and I peeled off the wrinkly paper to reveal a single CD. It didn't have a label so out of curiosity Annie played it.

The screen lit up with,"The Life of Vanessa Brown." Wow, a little much. Next played a video of me in eighth grade at the school dance. "Oh no," was all I could think,"I know what this is." As expected, 14 year old me walked onto the stage to receive the best costume award. The was for Halloween so u dressed as a cat with a fitted black skirt. I remember being so sure that that skirt was so tight to my skin and secure, but sure enough it slipped right off as I waved to my friends. My face turned red like a strawberry and I ran off of the stage.

Next, my ninth grade piano recital where I out of the blue, played "Twinkle, Twinkle."

Sixth grade Vanessa wetting herself during a presentation.

Tenth grade me slipping in the middle of the football field trying to get a good picture of Dylan for the sports yearbook page.

My eleventh grade choir solo when my voice cracked about seven octaves higher.

And finally myself at Mermaids looking for Dylan and calling his name. Yesterday.

I was so embarrassed! And I think Dylan was too because he wouldn't look at me for the rest of the night. I laughed it off as I've practiced so many times. I was ready to scream and cry and throw that CD at the wall to crush into a thousand pieces. Maybe then they would see what my heart felt like. And the worst part was I didn't even know who did this.

When everyone had finally left I ran up to my closet to write this. Currently, my keyboard is speckled in wet tears that may or may not break it. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

-Vanessa