Evanescent

Thirteen

"Tan-"

"Why couldn't you just tell me?" His eyes are so full of a hurt I never thought he was capable of.

"It's not true I promise, I'm not a liar," I internally beg him to look at me, but he won't.

"Nessa, if it ends here, I want you to know that even though we only went out twice, I might as well have known you all my life. I've never been able to talk someone so easily, you're so kind and approachable and so funny," he looks up at me and stares at me in the eyes," but I'm afraid I was wrong. You just needed reassurance. Reassurance that you were still the same girl you were before you gave up. The same girl who could get whatever she wanted if she didn't already have it all. But I'm afraid I'm not an accomplishment, I'm a human with a heart."

"But what about me?" I asks as my vision starts to blur. "I know what you said at basketball! You don't think that hurts my feelings? You know, I'm not an accomplishment either! I'm not just another step to dating a popular girl!"

"Nessa I never said that!"

"Ash and I aren't a thing!"

"How can I trust you?"

"I could ask you the same thing!"

"Well then maybe we were doomed from the start," he says then presses his fist to his mouth like he'd just tasted something awful.

His sudden outburst of emotion sends whirlpools through my body until I'm nothing but a puddle in the middle of the hall. And he splashes through the water to his locker.

•••••

From there my heart went through many phases. At first, absolute despair. It filled me with a thick cement that dried me into a motionless statue. Pretending to smile. Pretending to not care. Pretending to be normal.

Then the confusion. Why me? Who would do this if not Asher? How did I end up like this? If I'm such a wreck now, how much more until I'm exactly how I was when I gave up? What did I ever do to deserve it?

And after that, rage. Absolute and total anger. Whoever did this would feel how I feel. But this stage didn't last as long. I soon realized how foolish to hope the worst for people in my condition. Hate will get me nowhere.

And now here I am. Determined. I will get to the bottom of this and it will all work out as long as I can help it. No one will ruin my reputation in the snap of a camera. Nobody.

Lunch comes and I sit with my friends. They all give me hopeful looks and little bit of food. I didn't pack a lunch because I planned on going with Tanner.

"No Tanner?" Jaclyn asks. I shake my head. They all look down and Grace gives me a hug.

We all eat in silence when finally Annie says,"Guys, it's Friday night, Nes needs a cheer up, what do you say we hang at my place tonight?"

"Sounds fantastic!" Grace immediately responds. Jaclyn agrees.

"I should ask my mom but she'll probably say yes," I smile. I love them. They're the only people who stick around no matter what. There is no sadness too deep for them to heal.

Maybe this whole time I was mistaking Tanner for my ticket to escaping reality. But all along it was them, my best friends.

The bell rings and we reluctantly go to class. Of course of all people, I run into Ash. We look at each other intently. He's trying to read me just as much as I'm trying to read him. Why? Why would he set this up?

But maybe he didn't set it up. Maybe it's an honest mistake and I'm just too stubborn to realize it.

"Nessa please," he finally says," believe me, I didn't do it, I respect you and your relationship with Tanner."

"I know,"I sigh,"but if you didn't do it. Who did?"

"I don't know, but it's got to be someone who doesn't support you and Tanner," he replies. But I don't know what anyone thinks about us nor do I care. Well, until now.

We go to calculus and right when I walk in, Kylee comes up to me.

"Omg Vanessa," she grabs my hands,"I just want you to know how sorry I am."

"What?"

"I didn't do it, but I know who did. And I'm so sorry about you and Tanner! I was actually thinking you two could maybe possibly someday work. And you have been together for a while."

"Okay slow down!" I blink in confusion,"first, can you tell me who did it?"

"No"

"Okay," I shrug it off. I'm not going to beg for something so stupid from someone so manipulative. "And second, Tanner and I have only been together for two days."

"Wednesday, Thursday, kind of Friday," she lists and counts in her head,"oh yeah it really hasn't been that long, has it? Oh well, a love like yours wouldn't have lasted anyway."

I know she wanted that to hurt. And it does. But I'll never show it," Thanks Kylee," I smile,"that's really reassuring."