Life Abstract

Chapter Four: Alcoholism

*severe trigger warning*
Drugging and implication of SA

Fire. At least that was what the hot burning of the liquor going down my throat felt like. Yet, I found it pleasurable. It added the kick I needed to my life. I start to cough. It burns like heck, but it's still satisfactory. I feel a grin coming. This is what my parents meant by getting out more. I take another sip to satisfy my burning desire for more alcohol. I gulp down the whole cup and try to suck the dregs from the bottom.

"I'm guessing you want more." The pizza boy asks yet again, popping out of nowhere. Where does he come from? He is always popping up.

"What do you want now? Who are you," I ask.

"Seymour. Seymour Schlongadong."

I cough. At the time, this was hilarious, though I should have known his name was Daniel since the text said the party was at Daniel's house. Anyways, he replied,

"Where are your manners. You of all people should know not to laugh at other's names."

"You of all people? I'm sorry, but Schlongadong sounds like another word for penis. So your name sounds like 'see more penis'." At this point, I'm laughing my butt off. God I hate High School me.

"Well I was kidding. The name's Daniel," he finally says.
"Schlongadong?"
"No, Smith."
"Oh... I like the first one better."
"Yeah whatever. Wanna dance?"
"No."
"Great, let's go," he says pulling me to the dance floor.
"I really don't dance." I say. He looks at me stupidly then says,
"Fine. Let's just go get more drinks." He starts walking ahead of me.

I immediately follow him. We enter what looks to be the kitchen.
He starts to pour me a drink. From there, I hear it. A fight.

I usually don't pay much attention but something was different that day. I see some guy throw a punch and hear all the people shouting and cheering. It caught my attention. I wonder what it could have been about. Cheating girlfriend, or boyfriend, owed money, petty beef, or just good old drunken rage. I soon snap out of the trance when Daniel hands me my drink. He doesn't even look bothered by what's happening.

If I didn't know better, I would think that we are actually becoming friends. I inwardly smile and takes a sip of the drink. This one is worse if possible. I could feel it seeping through my throat and it was just bitter. My nose burned, my eyes watered. My face hurt. But I still found it pleasurable. How utterly stupid. I look at Daniel who is staring expectantly at me.
"What," I ask.
"Nothing. You okay?"
"Yeah. The drink just burned a bit."
"Oh..."
We're standing there looking awkward until he decides to walk away without a word. What an odd kid. Soon, Lithium by Nirvana starts to play. I couldn't help but be brought in a state of pure euphoria.

Kurt Cobain and Nirvana were of one the only people/ bands I would actually spend my college money to go see, but that is impossible since he's gone. I probably look looked like an idiot standing there just letting the music seep in while everyone was partying and dancing. I should have known something was wrong. I was acting weird.

When I was about five, I fell off my bike and landed on my head. It was not traumatic or enough to give me brain damage, but I felt the effects. I felt woozy. It was like the whole earth was just spinning. Of course it is spinning, but we are not supposed to feel it. I did. You may be wondering why I'm telling you this. I'm telling you this because at that party, I felt the exact same thing. But worse. I felt like I fell flat on my head and was suffering the effects of a concussion; an even worse concussion than the one I got when I was four. My hearing then went downhill. The music got quieter and it sounded like I was hearing it from miles away. The world then got slower. All movement around me slowed down. This feels awful, I remember thinking. I felt helpless.
"Help," I try to say, but it sounded highly slurred, and its quiet. Someone notices me.
"Are you okay," he asks.
I don't hear him correctly. I hear unintelligible gibberish.
"Let me get you out of here," he says. That I hear. He grabs my hand and pulls me out of the crowd. But soon I realise that he is not escorting me out of the house. He is taking me upstairs.
"Where are we-," I start to ask, but he shushes me putting one finger to his mouth. I dumbly mock his movements and he chuckles.
"Wow. It actually worked. You are really messed up."
What did he mean by that? What did he mean by, It actually worked? I sure as hell was about to find out soon. He leads me to a room.
"What are we-," I once again start to slur. I start to fall. The guy catches me.
"Whoa there. Don't hurt yourself now, we're not done with you yet."
"We?" Now I know something is very wrong. I start to make my way towards the door. My attempts are in vain. I can barely walk so I immediately fall to the floor. The guy picks me up. I struggle against him, once again in vain. He is much larger than me. This is horrible. I feel helpless. I remember thinking those exact same words again. It reminds me of how people like to harm infants. They are so helpless. I'm crying now. I remember thinking this is it. This is how I die. I can't breathe. When the door of the room opens and what looks to be five guys walk in, I'm a crying mess.
"No!"
I start to struggle and crawl towards the door. This can't be happening. I start to writhe and struggle against them to save myself. One of the guys walks up to me and grabs my hair throwing me against the bed. I still struggle. Kicking and everything.
"I thought you said you would take care of her. That she wouldn't struggle," one of them asks. I hear them now, but it sounds like echo's.
"I know! She's fighting it," another one says.
"She's Five Squared. Of course she's fighting," the guy who brought me here says. He then proceeds to get on top of me. I do what I can. I even kick him in the groin. He grunts in pain.
"Enough of this," he shouts. "Hand me another one."
"No! That's too much. It could kill her," one of the guys says. Wow. He's worried about my life but here he is. Aiding the effort.
"Just do it!" One of the guys hands him something. I don't see it until the guy gets back on to of me and pulls my hair back. I start kicking and screaming. But screaming must have been my biggest mistake, other than coming to this party, because as soon as I open my mouth to scream, he drops some bitter liquid into my mouth. Then he closes my jaw so I am forced to swallow the liquid. As soon as it goes down my throat, I feel consciousness slipping away from me. It was some. Then, it's silent.