skinny boy » joshler

eleven || josh

he runs up the stairs (the stairs that last time he'd walked up with a giant grin on his face) and bursts into tyler's room.

the boy is sitting on the ground, a bottle of pills in his hand, some of the pills scattered on the floor. he's staring at the ground dully, hands shaking. he doesn't look like he has enough energy to hold his head up.

"tyler?" josh asks quietly, sinking to his knees in front of the boy. he props his chin up and examines tyler's face. dull eyes, blinking slowly, lips half-open (soft lips, perfect lips), not at all here. "can you hear me?"

slowly, tyler nods. josh feels something in his chest burst.

"can you go throw up for me?" josh continues, resisting the urge to kiss tyler right now (seriously, brain? not the time). "please, baby?"

he doesn't know where the pet name came from, but tyler's eyes damn near snap open at that. softly he croaks out, "y-yeah," and josh helps him to his feet, helps him to the bathroom. 

(he's surprised at how easily tyler can make himself vomit. almost as if...)

"do you feel better? how many did you take?"

tyler sips his water slowly, seated on the bed, josh's arm around him. "...fourteen... maybe, i don't ... know. i lost... count." he leans into josh, resting his legs in josh's lap, fully curled against him. "i wish i... took all of ...them."

"i'm glad you didn't," josh tells him, even though his heart is pounding, because 1) tyler is so close and so warm and 2) what if he had? what if he had... died? "i would've ... god, you don't even know."

"yeah," tyler mumbles dully. he turns and buries his head in the crook of josh's neck. "you're...nice, and warm... i'm sorry, josh." he pushes slightly and josh falls back onto the bed, and rearranges them quickly so that they're both lying nicely on top of the blankets, tyler nearly on top of him.

"it's okay," josh reassures him, staring up at tyler's ceiling. tyler seems half-asleep, drifting off with his head on josh's chest. "it's my fault, for freaking out like that."

tyler makes a small noise. "you had... every right to freak... out." he opens his eyes and looks at josh. "can i..."

josh shakes his head slightly. "i really am sorry, tyler. can you manage for tonight? i- i need to... things at home, homework, you know..."

"of course." tyler sits up and coughs into his elbow, looking at the spilled pills still on the floor. josh looks at them too, biting his lip. "can you.. take those with you?" his voice drops to a hoarse whisper. "i don't trust myself tonight."

and yet you trust me? josh thinks, but doesn't say it.

"sure. i'll see you around, then?"

tyler nods. "yeah."

//yall i learned one for the road by arctic monkeys on bass