The Iron Soldier: A FourTris Divergent Story

Chapter 22

Four POV

I knew as soon as she showed up at the hospital, that she'd come to bail me out. I told Matt to keep his eyes peeled for a cute blond asking about me. He laughed and told me I was delusional, like any good friend would. God, he was trying so hard to cheer me up. He knew what happened and why I'd flipped out. Weather my suspicions were true or not, I lost one of the most important people in my life that day and he knew it.

It wasn't until she showed up that my world felt a little brighter. Sure, I was in jail, put there by one of my closest friends, but she was right on the other side, telling me without saying a word, that she was there for me.

Matt didn't object to letting me out once she arrived. I saw the way he looked at her. She could have asked him to rob a bank and he would have done it. She even promised to keep an eye on me, something I found humorous. If I wanted to ditch her, I could do it in a matter of seconds. Matt knew that as well as I did. Yet we both knew I wouldn't.

We drove around for a few minutes. She looked completely lost in thought and it was clear, she didn't know where she should go as soon as I told her I didn't want to go home.

That may have been the best and worst decision of my life. I guess only time can determine which it actually was.

I should have gone home. But there is not a doubt in my mind that she wouldn't just drop me off and drive away. She would insist on staying, to make sure I was ok. Once I got inside, I'd grab whatever bottle was closest, and I'd drink until nothing mattered. And if she was there, I wouldn't care about consequences. I take her to my bedroom and we'd stay there until we both passed out from either too much alcohol or exhaustion.

No matter how good that sounded, I couldn't do that to her. I know relationships are off the table. The only kind of intimacy I've allowed myself to feel, is the occasional one night stand with a woman I knew I'd never see again. The risk was just too great for anyone to become special to me, so I'd avoided it like the plague.

So I did what I though was right, by telling her I didn't want to be alone. She would stay to comfort me. I just had to make sure I kept my head clear and stayed away from any alcohol. Hopefully that would keep me from doing something I'd regret later.

I don't know when I've ever been so wrong. I suppose my theory would have been successful if I was with any other girl. I've never completely lost control over my feelings before. Nothing has ever overpowered me like this. If Tris wasn't the person she was, I would have done the right thing.

She decided we would go for a walk. I was fine with that. Until we stopped for a heart to heart, where she said my name, my real name. I wanted to scream when she first said it. But hearing her say it was strangely comforting and I found myself telling her things I have never told anyone in my life.

Then I lost my composure. I let her in for a split second. She held me in her arms as I wept. She didn't judge me, or tell me to toughen up. In fact, the more I let out, the tighter she held me, and I just knew, she was trying to share my burden. It was as if by feeling it together, it was less painful for me. Somehow she knew this would happen and she freely accepted the pain I forced on her.

I felt better after letting go for those few short moments. When I looked back to her face, I felt myself lose control in a different way. I wanted to kiss her. The same way I kissed her in that tiny circus tent. I didn't hold back then. I tried to, but I couldn't. When I finally gave in that day, I knew she couldn't see me, so I let it all out knowing I would be the only one to feel anything.