Crush

Crush VI

Crush VI: 

Dear... “Insert name,”

I’d like to begin this letter by thanking you.

Thank you for coming into my life, seriously, you’ve changed me, either for the worse or better. I don’t really want to reiterate what I’ve stated in previous parts because...I’d just be going around in circles and I think it’s time that I move on in my life because I’ll always be living in the past, instead of holding out for the moment.

You are someone, someone that captured my gaze, my thoughts, my mind, maybe even my heart and I fell for you, like the rain descends from the sky. I had so many different feelings because of you, that I’ve never felt before and dealt with them in ways I can say I’m either proud of or not so proud of. There are something’s that I regret doing, I wish I told you sooner and had more of the guts to explain myself. Because everything happened so quickly, it was like a tsunami that just swept into my life and changed everything.

You’re like a tsunami really; you destroyed everything in my life that I thought was perfect and rearranged it with all of these different feels. And now I’m trying to put my life back together again; bit by bit, piece by piece.

I’m like a glass really, that got shattered and I have to find in me to put the tiny shards of glass together again with its missing pieces. The cracks are what I dislike about myself and are my flaws. I’m trying though; it’s fucking slow, and annoying and depressing really. I wish I could go back to being that girl I was in November but then I think, I wouldn’t be who I am without all of this shit happening, that’s because of you.

Yeah, thanks for that.

Sometimes I choose to be my witty, impulsive self with you because it’s sure as hell easier than being honest and upfront with you. I can retaliate back to you with your arrogant self. But the moments I’ve known where we were both nice to each other, I’ll remember.

Petty and pointless I know, but I guess that’s how I am, you’ve had that weird impact on me. If I could write everything down, about what I hate and dislike about you, I would but I get stuck because I’m not sure what’s what. So this is what this letter is for, to tell you about yourself from me.

You are a normal guy, I guess, that will meet a girl who will make your heart beat faster, simply by looking at her, thinking about her. You’ll want to be her everything, do everything for her, make sure that’s she’s always happy. You’ll want to be the cause of her smiles and her joyous tears.

You’ll love her and you’ll fight for her because love changes a person.

You may think that this is all a load of bullshit but you’ll meet that one girl who will change you completely.

And I wish you all the best in life and everything you do with your life. I hope that you are happy and although there may times I really do may fucking hate you, know that I don’t. It’s easier to hate the person you like, love even.

Well it is for me.

Whether or not I may be a part of your life in the future, I’m glad that I was once, for a short time. I’m writing this for the future because I’m still going to see you every day and I have no clue to what’s going to happen, whether we’ll talk, or even been friends.

But I’ll always see you as a friend, someone that walked into my life and taught me a lesson, rather than being a blessing and left footprints along the way.

So like, I keep saying, and probably for the hundredth time, thank you. You may not ever see this or get a chance to read this but if you do...well I’m pretty much fucked aren’t I? Yeah, but if you read this, this was about how I felt about you, me and about “us.”

Best wishes, Shannai xx

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So this is really it, the last official part to Crush. A letter addressed to the person who changed me into the person I am today.

“Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. Sometimes they are only there long enough to teach you the lessons you needed to learn.”

Song:  “Cups When I’m Gone.” – Anna Kendrick