When I was around nine or ten that's when I started having family problems, I didn't know what to do about it. I heard my mother cry a lot in her room, and my parents always had fights; where they would smash everything all over the floor. Break dishes, holler and scream at each other, hit one another. Things like that... Hearing things I didn't normally hear for the first time ended up being all the time. Honestly I even cried sometimes, because I was tired of hearing them fight constantly. I thought everything would die down after awhile, it never did. It got worse. To the point where my parents split up when I was ten.
I still remember it clearly like it was yesterday... I wanted to tell my mom that dad was being a jerk to me, that he threatened to hit me; and all the bad stuff he says about my mother behind her back. I hated it. One day I finally told her. While it was just myself and her home alone. She sat on my bed and we talked for quite awhile. I told her everything that I had experienced, my mom asked me if I liked dad. I said no, then she asked me if I wanted them to split up, then I said yes. She burst into tears, I went over to try to hold her and comfort her the best I could. It wasn't before too long that she decided to leave him. I was over at a friends house and I wanted to go home because I was tired. My friend's mother wouldn't let me, at that time I didn't know why. It was 9pm, way past dinner. My mom showed up, I was happy to see her; but she was clearly upset. Mom asked my brother and I to sit down on the couch, she also told us that she had something important to tell us. She said "the police was at our house, the reason for that is because your father and I are splitting up. I was afraid your father would have done something to me." I exploded in tears, covering my face with my hands. I couldn't even think, or say a word to anyone. All's I could do is sob.
I wanted my mother to leave my father but at that moment I changed my mind and I didn't want them to split up, I just wanted them to stay together. I was mad at her because our family was broken. Then again, I didn't like my dad. I didn't understand why I felt so sad that he was not going to be in my life anymore, and I still don't understand to this day. This separation of my parents happened off and on. It was sooner rather then later when my dad found us and he begged my mother to let him be with her, and that he "says" he will change. My mother believed him and she got back with him. To this day I think it was the worst idea ever.
My house doesn't feel like a home anymore; I don't know what it feels like to go home to a family that actually cares about me. So don't tell me that it will be okay, because I've given up a long time ago. And in my mind, no kid or teenager should ever feel that way at home or anywhere they go. The first time my dad hit me when I was 14, and that was the first time I hurt myself. I didn't know what to do, and I didn't know how to feel at that time. That is when everything again completely changed for me. I think if my parents split up I would be the sad/depressed teenager, I think I would have been a completely different person. And I just think that it would be me and my mother at home. That I get to be happy for once in my life. It's my choice.
