It's like, no one really knows how I feel. I try to be there for the others that need the support when no one is there for them, like I do. You can't just, help somebody get better if you can't even help yourself. I feel my fathers pain, but he does not feel mine; for I hide it so it doesn't weaken him. I am like his back bone, but I am very tired. He feels stressed, depressed, and anxious. All the things I have felt for 3 years, and for him it's just the beginning.
It's not easy to have a change in your life, that affects everything you do. We don't want to change, change is, scary. This change has impacted our life, as a family. It happened so quickly you could say my life flashed before my eyes. That, she left so sudden. Her; making the decision that we are no longer a family anymore. When we could have all come together and talk about our problems. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.
When my mother left, I left. It felt as if I was supposed to go with her, because my father had my brother. I believed every lie my mom told me, and I felt bad when I saw her cry; I felt bad when I left the house to go hangout with my friends because I didn't want to leave her home "alone." "Alone..." she wasn't alone. My mom had other men that she would run too, without anyone knowing. And she would spend time with them constantly, leaving me by myself at my grandmothers; while she, she went to see these other men. At the time I normally went to bed without her, because she was always out so late.
The time came when she wasn't home one night, and my father stopped by. We talked like never before... he wanted me to come back home with him, because he hated seeing me be at my grandmothers alone. Towards the end of his visit he hugged me for the first time in a long time; we cried in each others arms. At that moment, I felt like my father actually loved me; I felt appreciated by him, that he actually missed me.
I live with my father and my brother. It's hard not, having my mother by my side. I don't hate my mother for what she has done, I'm just disappointed in her. This is not something I'm going to get over instantly, my heart still has a hole in it; and we're only 4 months into it.
