It's quiet, peaceful, dark... lonely, so so lonely but that's good, I like it like that. I never knew I would die at a young age or die this way. 14, too young they would say, too young to pass away.
No friends, no family... no fighting, arguing. Just peace here. Finally, I have been waiting for this; to lay down and rest my soul. But as I walk down this dark hallway to hell, I see a light. Hands reaching out to me trying to grab me, trying to save me from dying. But how can this be, I am already dead.
My eyes open but the only thing I see is a huge light hovering on top of me. My chest feels heavy, my wrists are cut up along the sides. I start to cry in pain. Defibrillators are on my chest, mom is beside me crying as well. Looking at me like I'm in terrible shape. And I was. The Doctors look at me in relief, I am alive.
To this day I can remember every single detail what happened to me on December 24th. And now I live with the scars on my wrist, face, legs, and neck. Having people not like you saying "I wish you were dead!!" Really puts weight on your shoulders. The truth is I died for 15 minuets, and what I never told my mother was... I liked being dead, it was batter then having kids pick on you.
11:57pm December 31st
I was getting home from a late night at the library, I was getting a bunch of text messages from my friends. Well, I don't think they are my friends anymore. They were calling my terrible names, but I just decided to ignore them. When I got home my Facebook messages started popping up on my computer. I couldn't help but look... the same thing happened earlier.
I dropped down on my bed, and started to cry. I got up and took my phone and threw it into the bathtub, and turned the tub on. My phone then got ruined, I though all of my problems would go away. But they didn't.
I looked in the mirror and stared at myself. Thinking why could they all hate me... I guess I'm just not perfect like the rest of the girls. My eyes feel heavy, I know I'm going to start crying. I do. I look in the cabinets and I find pills, and a knife... I just gaze at it. I was thinking "don't take the pills." But I did anyway. I grab the knife and stand over the running tub. The whole inside of me is shaking, screaming, kicking around like a 3 year old throwing a tantrum. But I make it a quick gash anyway. The water is red, with a dead body in it again? Dying? For the second time.
They can't save me now, no one cares about me. Even if they did why would they try and save me for the second time. I'm just a useless person. Back to being dead, where it crawls with darkness.
