The Monster in Me

Chapter 5: Lucinda

  

  

FIVE

Lucinda

  

  

Eric is my ex… well my ex husband for that matter. I was young, foolish and a romantic; who fell in love with the first guy that looked at me. I first laid eyes on him freshman year when he stumbled into the dining hall at lunchtime with a group of football jocks, as boisterous as ever. He just stood there in peace like he had the most interesting of secrets; that he would never tell. I was curious to know more about him so I stole a glance at him and was instantly mesmerized! They were beautiful, dreamy and contained a spark as if he was just waiting to be discovered. I felt a pull that I did not quite understand and still don’t to this day.

I know it sounds like we were meant to be, almost like soul mates but everything changed after marriage and a kid. There wasn’t time for romance, fun, laughter; we just got to the point to where we broke like an over tuned violin that simply couldn’t play anymore. Honestly, I think he was hiding something from me and he didn’t feel like he could relieve some of the burden of this secret that he carried. I believe trust is the key to a relationship and once that is broken you can never go back. So we were both just fragments of our old selves trying to find our way in this world.

I turn around and catch his bright blue eyes - lit up by an old broken, dangling ceiling light that flickered - with mine. The grocery store falls into a kind of haze and we just stand there looking into each other’s eyes. I keep searching for that spark, which used to light me up and make me think we were meant to be. I break away from his gaze and force myself to stare down to the tile floor in disappointment. I am still that foolish girl who believes in fairy tail endings with their prince. Lucinda! Snap out of it! I whisper to myself.

I can still feel his strong gaze on me, almost like it’s apologetic. I just need to know what happened between us, if he still cares about me and if our love was just one big joke. It takes all the strength I have within me; I need to see his face. I look up only to notice his eyes have changed colors, they are a deep navy blue almost black. They pull me in like the pull of the moon and there’s almost nothing that could keep me from running up to him, just to let him hold me infinitely. I almost did but I notice the black matching figure standing behind Eric. The dark figure steps forward into the flickering light and my heart stops as I see the familiar outlines of Jack’s face; or it might as well have. Jack. Our son. What?

“How? What? Jack, what are you doing here? How did you get out of jail?” My heart starts racing. It is one thing to have a divorce but it is another to have a messed up son too. I never wanted much, just a husband that loves me and puts me on cloud nine, so to speak, all the while having a beautiful son that grows up to be a charming young man. My heart just sinks to the pit of my stomach. I let my son and my husband down and there is no way to change it.

Eric takes a step towards me, all the while keeping his gaze steady. He knocks all my walls down. The walls I’ve worked so hard to keep up and that are used for the very purpose of keeping people out. Unfortunately for me, Eric isn’t just a person. Damn it.

I start to break down emotionally. Eric closes the space between us taking one of my black curly locks from my ponytail in his left hand and wiping one of my tears away with his other. He pulls me into a hug and we stay like that for several minutes in silence.

My face is buried in his warm, solid chest and my arms that are wrapped around him cling to his grey, baggy shirt desperately trying to find some security and warmth. We link perfectly around each other, every curve fits into place. His warm breath touches my neck sending chills down my spine; leaving me breathless. I feel like we belong and we’re the perfect match, however, history said otherwise.

I can’t let Eric get to me, though, especially in front of our son! Jack might get the wrong impression. I pull away abruptly making me feel empty and alone.

“Luce we need to talk,” Eric says quietly.

I freeze; I didn’t know what to do. If I let him back into my life history may repeat itself or it may give me my family back, but can I ever trust him again?

“I know you don’t really want to see me right now and that is understandable. I am not asking for much, just a friendly chat over dinner perhaps and after that I will be gone for good. We just need to talk.”

Without a second thought I say yes. He sounds so convincing and has this power over me like I can bend to anything he says, “I just need to finish my shopping,” I say dumbly.

“We will help you”

“No! ...I mean, I will be fine just meet me at my place at 6:00 for dinner.” I turn my shopping cart around and quickly rush down the next aisle. He makes me so nervous that my knees begin to buckle under my weight. I try to keep myself up with the cart, but it’s no use. My head begins to spin like a carousel and once it stops swirling, I collapse to the floor. I just sit there with my head buried in my knees, letting a few tears roll down my cheeks onto my navy satin Capri pants.

I thought that I was stronger than this; that I had moved on from Eric. Apparently, what my mind is telling me and my heart is telling me are two different things. The ever-persevering battle, maybe I’m not quite ready to move on.

I feel a hand touch my shoulder and it feels as if I’ve just been electrocuted, it sends shivers right down my spine to my toes. I look up to see Eric, the same dark eyes as before. He lifts me off the ground swiftly and pulls me into a hug. His heart has a warm constant beat I can feel through the thin material of his shirt, and it makes me feel mushy inside. Suddenly, Eric’s voice brings me back into reality as he releases me.

“Luce… Let me take you home. Jack can finish the shopping and meet us back at your place.” He turns to Jake and hands him some money, my grocery list and a set of his car keys.

I look up at Jack and mouth a thank you. He smiles. “ You’re welcome,” and in a matter of seconds he disappears into the distance strolling my cart down the next aisle.

Eric grabs my hand while I wrap my arms around his neck and he places a hand beneath my knees, his other on the small of my back. With one swift movement, I’m pulled up into his arms and I rest a hand on his smooth chest. He carries me out of the store and into the parking lot. It looks almost as empty as this morning as if nothing has changed.

  

  

A/N: 

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Picture of Eric to the side---------->