Because of a Girl Like Me

Chapter 2.

My heart hit overdrive.

I know my dad went up to Tuscaloosa for the week, so he shouldn't be home for two more days, and even if he was coming home, he wouldn't be doing it at 1 in the morning.

I kicked myself for not bringing my phone into the bathroom with me.

I looked around the bathroom, thinking hard on what I could use as a weapon, then I quietly opened the bathroom door and slid out into the dark hallway. My mind was racing, my breaths coming out shallow, but I tried to rationalize with myself. Maybe it was just a neighbor coming home from a bender that accidently knocked into my door, or maybe it was just some dumb kids out trying to scare people.

I was halfway down the hall and I could see that the front door was still closed and the chain was still safely in its place. I started to relax a little, but then I noticed the light beneath the door shift slightly, meaning someone was standing there. I inched closer, straightening my back and readying my weapon. I was right in front of the door when I heard the sound of a man's voice laughing.

Laughing?

Why would someone who was here to torment me be laughing outside of my front door? Confused I leaned forward, bringing my face up to the peephole.

My god, Sean.

I quickly unlatched all of the locks and pulled the door open with a huff. Sean must have been leaning against it though, because when I opened it, he came crashing in and fell at my feet with a loud thud, chuckling to himself. "Well," He slurred. "Hi there...shexy."

I was beyond annoyed.

"What the hell, Sean?" I snapped. "You scared the crap out of me!" I whisper yelled at him. "What are you even doing here? I thought you were like a murderer or something." I told him while I silently willed my racing heart to slow down.

He finally looked up at me, and for a second I thought he was about to apologize, but then he looked me over and went into a fit of hysterical laughing, tears running down his cheeks. "Tell me, Sienna," He laughed. "What exactly were you planning on doing to the murder at your door with the damn toilet plunger?"

That's when I realized I was still holding the plunder in my hand that I had taken from the bathroom. I let out a giggle. I did feel pretty ridiculous now, but it had been the only thing I could find. It was either whack the intruder with this, or try to shake them with a toothbrush.

Still feeling silly, I helped Sean to his feet, then closed and relocked the door behind him. I don't know why I hadn't thought of it being Sean. He usually texts me first, but not always. It wasn't completely unheard of for Sean to come over on nights when my dad was out of town, especially if Sean had been drinking.

I've known Sean since we were kids. We'd gone to grade school together, but when he and his older brother, John, moved into the same apartment complex as me when he was 16 after his parents were both killed in a car accident, what's when we'd really gotten close. One thing led to another, and before long he had become the guy I relied on for everything. Sean was always here for me when no one else was.

He had been the one to hold my hand and wipe away my tears at my mother's funeral after she'd killed herself, and he was the one who was here for me when my dad started taking a lot of jobs out of town, leaving me home alone for weeks at a time. Sean's been my rock for years now, but somewhere along the way, I feel like I've stopped just being me. We're Sienna and Sean. If I'm being honest with myself, I've really started to grow bored in the relationship. Guilt eats me up anytime I think of it though. Sean was my first love, first kiss, and the guy I gave my virginity to. I know I should feel happy, but instead I feel a little cheated.

Who really meets the guy they're going to spend the rest of their life with when they're just kids? Outside of Boy Meets World, it sounds pretty lame. It's such a small town Alabama thing to do. I want to experience things. Maybe even different people.

"Do you know how beautiful I think you are?" Sean asked, brushing my hair out of my face and smiling down at me. His kindness making guilt slam right into the pit of my stomach. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my hair. "I love you, baby. My perfect girl." He whispered into my ear. Sean is good to me. Too good. Why do I always have to think such shitty things? I know he deserves much better than me. It's not fair to him. "I'm so lucky."

If you could only read minds...

I felt his hands drop lower on my body and he sighed, leaning into me. He roamed his hands down and then back up until he was cradling my face, tilting my head back to gaze into my eyes. I could smell the stale cigarettes and taste the leftover beer on his tongue as his pressed his full lips against mine roughly and guided my mouth open. I tried not to focus on that, but instead to think of how great of a guy he is, and how lucky I should be feeling.

I used to feel lucky, back in the beginning. Sean, the gorgeous six foot QB for the Stoneacre jaguars. Mr. Popular who never strayed from his girl. Other girls used to be so insanely jealous in school. He was the object of everyone's crushes, yet he chose to be with me. I know I should be thanking my lucky stars right now that this guy is standing in front of me, but instead I find myself lowering down to my knees right in the middle of the cramped hallway, knowing full well I can get him satisfied and passed out in bed in a matter of minutes without really having to give any of myself to him.

I just don't feel like pretending to be into it tonight. My heart just isn't in it, and hasn't been in the last six months really. It was more like a duty now for me to make love to my beautiful, perfect, kind boyfriend.

What the hell is wrong with me?