My Life

Chapter 57:

Sarah's POV:

I sat frozen on the waiting room chair. Where I've been finding myself for the past few weeks. Somedays I'd sit here refusing to walk in that room.

Refusing to see how damaged Lauren was. What the accident really did to her. To see my baby in pain.

She was in pain because of me for almost a year and now she's in even more pain because of me.

I'm a terrible mother. She was right. She was right about everything. I've been too worried about Jonathan to realize that her and Bailey existed.

My two angels have been alone for weeks because I was too busy worrying about myself, like always. All I've ever done is cause pain in Lauren.

Now I'm gonna start causing Bailey pain? I need to get my act together before Lauren seriously leaves and takes Bailey with her. She'll leave to Nikki who is so much more ready for this job than me.

Hell, I might of already lost Lauren. I haven't heard one single fucking word from a doctor for the past two hours. Nothing at all.

I've sat here staring into space for about a half hour. The other hour and a half I spent crying on Dean's shoulder. He left to 'get us some coffee' about fifteen minutes ago.

The truth was that he left to go cry, away from me. He's trying to act strong in front of me, so I don't get the wrong idea an break down all over again.

The thing is that Jon loves Lauren so fucking much. I was wrong years ago when I decided to keep her from him. I was wrong about him loving and caring for her.

I'd hate to do the same to him and Bailey. I don't want her growing up asking for her dad. Then what? I'm supposed to lie and say you were a rape baby?

I wasn't even fond of the idea when I thought it was true. Now I'm supposed to lie to her about it? I can't repeat what I did to Lauren. She'll hate me just like Lauren does.

I need to tell Jon. I have to tell him. I've been keeping it for almost two months now. I can't keep it any longer or else he'll get even madder.

Gosh why am I such a screw up? One of my daughters is fighting for her life right now and the other is with another family. I don't have a boyfriend/husband.

I'm a lonely old bitch whose gonna die alone. I can't believe the dumb choices I've made in life. No wonder my mother disowned me years ago. 

She realized from the very start that I was a nothing. I'd be nothing but a pain to others. I'd be a bump in the road for everyone and they'd soon get over me. 

Fresh tears fell down my cheeks as I thought of Lauren. My baby could be dead right now. One of the most important people in my life could be dead in that bed because of me.

If she dies, she'll take me with her. My heart and soul will be ripped out and taken with her. If Lauren dies, all of our amazing memories will be flushed down the drain.

Jon came walking in with his hands shoved in his pockets. I slowly looked up at him with wet, stained cheeks. My eyes probably looked like raccoons.

"Sarah, are you crying again?" He rasped. I wiped away the tears.

"Yeah." I sniffled looking up into his bloodshot eyes.

"Sarah she's gonna be okay. I promise, okay?" Jonathan smiled sitting beside me. He placed his hand on my thigh for comfort.

"Your promises don't mean anything to me anymore. You were crying too so obviously you don't think she's gonna pull through either." I cried as more tears fell.

"Sarah's that's not true. She's gonna make it. Okay? Lauren's strong. We're not gonna lose her this early." Jon croaked out.

"NO JON! You don't  understand that if that girl doesn't make it, I won't either! I NEED her! I need my baby!" I cried.

"SARAH TRUST ME!" Jon screamed as his voice cracked. Tears rolled down his cheeks as I balled into my own hands.

"Sarah, STOP!" Jon shook me as I began to pound on the seat. He grabbed my wrists tightly as I continuously shook my head.

"No, no, no! Jon can't you see! MY BABY IS PROBABLY DEAD! SHE IS DEAD BECAUSE OF ME! ITS ALL MY FAULT THAT OUR DAUGHTER IS DEAD!"

"OUR ONE DAUGHTERS FIGHTING FOR HER FUCKING LIFE WHILE OUR OTHER ONE IS WITH APRIL AND DOLPH RIGHT NOW!"

"IM A TERRIBLE MOTHER!" I screamed and cried staring into his eyes.

"Sarah, you need to calm down. You can't even think right. You just said Bailey's our daughter."

"Lauren is gonna pull through. I promise." Jon whispered as the waiting room started filling up with our friends.

"Sarah? Is she okay? Jon is Lauren okay?" Nikki sobbed as, Randy comforted her? Why the fuck is he here? Are they dating?

"We haven't heard back, yet." Jon answered quietly. Everyone was in tears this time unlike a few weeks ago cause it wasn't this serious.

"She better not leave us. She can't." Joelle cried into Roman's chest. Brie clutched on to Roman as tears fell down her cheeks.

Aj clutched on to Dolph as she sobbed rubbing her swollen baby bump. Yes, Aj came back to visit Lauren. Morgan was crying on Mike as did Kacey. Mike held back his tears trying to be strong.

Nikki sobbed into Randy's chest as he rubbed her back soothingly. Bailey was sat on Dolph's lap as he held her tightly in his arms. I want my babies back.

I know I still have Bailey, but I want to be a great mother. She probably doesn't even know who I am anymore. I've been away from her for so long. God I'm horrible.

"She's gonna pull through guys. She'd never leave us. Never." Dolph croaked out. We all continued to cry and sob as the time went by.

Suddenly the emergency room doors opened and out came a tall grey haired man in a white coat. The doctor carried a clipboard in his hand as he placed his glasses back on his face.

"Family of Lauren Good?" He called out. We all jumped to our feet staring at him. I clutched on to Jon's arm as tears welled up in my eyes again.

"Is she okay?" Joelle croaked.

"She's alive, right?" Aj sobbed.

"Sir please tell me she's okay!" Nikki cried out hysterically.

"Lauren's alive! SHE HAS TO BE!" Jon shouted as his voice cracked.

The next few moments happened so slowly. It was like we were in slow motion. Like in a movie where they have the biggest shocker in slow motion.

I sobbed loudly and fell to my knees as the words slipped from his lips.

"I'm so sorry to say this, but Lauren didn't make it. We tried everything we could. I'm terribly sorry and send you all my dearest sincerities." The doctor spoke with sadness in his tone.

"You may all say your goodbyes now." He gave us a light smile before walking away.

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-Peyton ❄️