An Actual Nerd

31 * The Weak And The Powerful

Chapter 31: The Weak And The Powerful

"And you're prepared?"

I nodded quickly. Sunday afternoon was Moore the Shrink time, now neatly slid into my timetable. "All studied for."

"And you're confident with yourself."

I hadn't done as much study as I would have liked, but it was enough. I nodded. 

"Well, good on you. I'm sure you'll do fantastically."  Lena rubbed her hands together. There was a pink fluffy pen sticking out of her elegant knot, making it far more difficult to keep a straight face. "How about your heart to heart that I asked you to think about?"

"Oh, my emotional confession?" I said dryly. "Yeah, I thought very deeply about it. I brought myself to the edge of tears."

"How was New Years Eve for you?"

Horrible. "Plain."

"I thought those fireworks were pretty good."

"I didn't really notice them." I mumbled. 

"Ah ah ah, no mumbling." She waggled her finger in my face. "Come on, speak up."

"I've been going to them every year." I shrugged. "It gets old."

Her smile wasn't exactly happy. "But I've been going to them for twenty years, and I wouldn't miss them. You're only 17, aren't you?"

"It's a phase." I said dryly, but inside it was the hollowness that had hung over my head all week. 

Brokenhearted. I thought I'd never feel brokenhearted. I never wanted to put myself in a position where it was possible. 

But now I realised it was inevitable. 

Brokenhearted. 

Lena Moore was looking at me with a sad smile. I retracted into a small ball, resting my chin on my knees. There were electrical plugs that fuelled all of my strength and stubbornness and pride and they were being yanked out, one by one. A shiver ran down my spine as I buried my face behind my knees.  

"I can wait."

And she waited. 

I could tell her, couldn't I? It was just a...

Crush. 

I cringed, rubbing at my temples before composing myself, looking up to stare at the bun on top of Dr Moore's head. "I think I like someone."

Her little smile turned into a smirk. "You think?"

"Well, yeah."

"Have you ever liked someone before?"

"I haven't known anyone to like." I said, in a hushed whisper. 

"That's sad."

I glared at her. "You make me feel so great about myself."

"You should think of it as more of a benefit then a disadvantage. People are a hassle." She shook her hair back. "Male or female?"

"Male..."

"At school?"

I nodded slowly. 

"Have you ever talked to them?"

"The entire year." I said softly. "So much has happened, I wouldn't be able to tell you half of it. I wouldn't be able to remember the other half."

Her eyebrows shot up. "And who knows about him?"

"No one. And that's a damn good thing, because I have 7 brothers! They'd go mad like rabid apes if they knew I had been talking to a guy!"