Dear Oppa,

Let Me Tell You Sehun

Let Me Tell You Sehun

That I'm getting tired. It's exhausting to worry about every single day that I might wake up one day to see news of you dating.

Let Me Tell You Sehun

That I joined this fandom because it makes me happy. That it makes me forget about my problems. That I use kpop as a pathetic excuse to get away from reality. But you know what's sad? It's when the thing that gave me butterflies and rainbows suddenly brought me into a new storm. That the fandom that I once loved turned into a chaotic mess of media play and doubts.

Let Me Tell You Sehun

That it hurts to hold on to promises. That you need to understand that not every fan is strong enough, understanding enough, mature enough to let you go.

Let Me Tell You Sehun

That it's hard to accept the truth. That it's scary to think that the happiness you bring could easily be taken away when you date. That it will never be the same because it will be awkward to dream of you when you're already taken by someone else.

Let Me Tell You Sehun

That fans are humans too. We get jealous too. We know that I don't own you and maybe we never will but that doesn't mean we don't have the right to feel. I know you don't owe us anything and you take control of your life but that doesn't mean that accepting would make it hurt less even if it's right.

Let Me Tell You Sehun

That it hurts to let you go but it hurts more to keep holding on. That it hurts that I should support what makes you happy even though it hurts me.

Let Me Tell You Sehun

That I can't take the pain of seeing how happy they are for you and her. That I am not strong enough to see the support you both will get because it builds up my insecurity.

Let Me Tell You Sehun

That I'm near my breaking point. That I'm nearing the point where the damage is too much and no matter how good loving you once was, the memories can't sustain it anymore. That I'm doing this to save myself even if it hurts like hell because I finally understand that you can't keep giving someone everything if you get nothing in return.

Let Me Tell You Sehun

That happiness is a choice and I choose to be happy even if it means living my life without you in it.

Let Me Tell You Sehun

That I know I have no right to get jealous of the thought of you with someone else but just because I have no right to get jealous it doesn't  mean I don't. That I know I will never be more than your fan, not even a friend.

Let Me Tell You Sehun

That even though it's painful, this is how our story ends.

-Jihwanxxi(04-03-16)