Self Riotous

Flashbacks.

Bryson; 2 years ago.

I held the gun up against my temple; the metal tip felt extremely hot as my hands shivered, causing the gun to shake as my finger rested firmly on the trigger.

My face was heated and wet with my own tears, while my body was trembling as it was also soaked with sweat.

Staring at my mothers dead body, which lied cold and lifeless in front of me, I felt nothing but remorse and sorrow.

She had taken her own life.

She was my sister and I's only reason for fighting, our only reason for living on and she's left us behind to face the world alone.

But I can't.

So I want to die with her.

I stood in front of her body for a while, my breathing hitching, my palms almost so slippery that it felt like the gun would slip from my hand any moment if I don't pull the trigger and get it over with.

So pull the trigger, Bryson.

I squeezed my eyes shut as my tears fell hard, matching the flow of the rain that was pouring down outside.

I imagined being somewhere else, somewhere with my mom and older sister. Somewhere better.

Thoughts trickled through my clouded mind as I wondered if my sister was thinking of me right now. I wondered if she'd ever forgive mom and I for committing suicide.

I wondered if she misses me, or if she will miss me when I die tonight.

The good in me tried to over power. To detatch the gun from my temple before it was too late. To detatch my finger from the trigger.

My feet felt as if they were glued to the ground. I would've thought my knees would weaken and give in by now, but I couldnt move my body at all.

Thunder sounded through outside as a thought pierced into my mind;

Once I pull this trigger, I'm gone.

There's no turning back afterwards.

As time dragged forward, so did my decision. There was no doubt that I was pulling this trigger, my mind was made up and decided on that.

Whether or not it was going to happen tonight though, remained unknown.

I wanted to see my sister again before I die.

To tell her I love her.

To apologize for all my wrongs I've committed in our fucked up family.

To apologize for moms suicide, and for mines.

My heart raced in my chest as police sirens sounded near by. They were coming.

I have to do it now.

Fuck it.

I took a deep breath as time seemed to slow, my finger slowly pulling down on the trigger as I prayed to god he would save me and forgive me for this sin.

Slowly.

Ever so slowly my finger pressed down on the trigger, my eyes fluttered shut again.

Click.

*****

Time was for sure slowed, maybe even stopped for a brief moment before it all came back to me.

As I looked around, I quickly noticed one of two things; my moms body wasn't lying before me anymore, meaning I was no longer at home.

Am I dead? Is this what it feels like?

My body chest-down was numb. But as my head started to pound, so did the rest of my body.

"Ugghh." I groaned in pain.

"Bryson?" My sisters voice sounded through my ears, causing me to realize the second thing of two things; Im definitely not dead.

"Brook?" My voice was dry and scratchy as my throat began to hurt. "Oou." I groaned. Why am I in all this pain?

"Here Bry, drink this." Brooklyn stood, handing me a bottle of water. She sat in the open chair next to me, watching me down the water in a quickness.

"Wh-what happened?" I cleared my throat and she sighed, looking at her fingers.

"The police found you passed out on the ground and...moms gone, Bry. She killed herself." Her eyes glossed as she quietly spoke. "I know." I whispered.

She stared at the side of my face before grabbing my hand. "I'm sorry Bry. I should've been there t-to stop her I-" I cut her short.

"Don't..." I said, taking a deep breath.

"Don't blame yourself for something no one could have prevented. There was nothing we could do, Brook." I finished.

She nodded, chewing her lip as she bounced one knee, tears mixed with mascara silently falling down her face.

I pulled her into my body, wrapping my arms firmly around her shaking frame. She cried out into my chest as tears fell from my eyes as well.

My mind was still offset about my attempt at suicide, but now that I see how bad my sister would've needed me here makes me thank god that the clip was empty.

-----

Hey everyone.

I've never done a Bryson Tiller story before so let's see how this goes, shall we?

I hope you all enjoyed, I'll continue❤ thanks for reading, your appreciated❤

-Nessa