Obsession

Night Time Practice

In the living room. Silent. Not one of us has said a word. The main lights are still off. No one's bothered to turn them on. We just sit and stare at empty space. Shock, disbelief...something like that. It sounds mean, selfish. But it's not that I'm particularly sad that Jimin has gone. It's that it has made me realise the fragility of the situation. Even though a date has been set, our voices recorded, our dances filmed it doesn't mean we are definitely going to debut. Even though we've worked tirelessly, it's still not guaranteed. Sure, Jimin had an attitude problem but she was as good as any of us. She had talent.

"Maybe it's a misunderstanding. She might've just gone to visit her family," Megan is the first to speak.

"Don't be stupid," YooAh snaps.

"You don't know! There are loads of possible reasons! We shouldn't jump to conclusions."

"Obviously JYP has kicked her out. Didn't you see him and Mr Choi talking?"

"But-!"

"Don't be so naïve!"

"I'm not-!"

"Guys!" I shout. Megan instantly closes her mouth. YooAh glares at her. "Guys," I say more calmly, "I'll call Mr Choi and ask him. Just be quiet, okay?" They all nod in obedience.

I put the call on speaker phone. The ringing is painfully loud in the silent room, echoing against the walls. I stare down at the screen. Waiting.

"Hello?"

"Mr Choi? It's me, Aimi."

"Oh, Aimi. Is everything alright?" He doesn't sound surprised to hear me. I look around at the others; anxiousness etched out on each of their faces.

"No. Where's Jimin?" It feels rude to be so blunt and to the point but I honestly think I couldn't care less right now.

The other end is silent for a moment.

"It's been decided that Jimin isn't ready to debut yet."

"What does that mean?"

"She will no longer be part of Jackpot."

Hearing it out loud from an authority makes it feel so much worse. If they let Jimin go that easily, what would happen if the rest of us made a mistake? Even a small one.

"So, just because of one bad day you decide she's useless? What kind of company is this?" YooAh speaks angrily into the phone.

"YooAh?" Mr Choi is seemingly a little surprised to hear more than one voice on the other end.

"We're all here," says Yang Yang shifting closer across the sofa to be heard clearly.

"Girls, I'm sorry. This wasn't just my and JYP's choice. The management has decided it's for the best."

"But it's not fair," Yang Yang voices what we all really want to say, but don't because it sounds so childish.

"To be honest, we wanted a five member group but you were all so talented we couldn't decide at the time."

"What?" I don't quite grasp the meaning at first, mostly because I don't want to.

"One of us had to go," Yang Yang realises.

"I'm sorry," Mr Choi sounds upset. But that's no where near as close to how I'm feeling. It could've been me they kicked out. It could've been any of us. In a way, I'm fortunate that Jimin turned out to be so antisocial. The familiar flare of guilt ignites in my stomach at that thought. I push it down when Mr Choi speaks again.

"I have to go now. Take care all of you, see you tomorrow. Bright and early!" The phone beeps, signalling he's hung up.

For ages, we just sit there. Not speaking. I fiddle with the phone absentmindedly, picking at the plastic. There's a weight on my shoulder (I mean an actual weight, not a metaphorical one). I look down and see Yang Yang's fallen asleep there. I look round at the others. YooAh's not there. She must've gone to her room. Megan's also asleep; curled up on the sofa breathing quietly. JiEun is still staring at the wall.