We all have pain

Part 60

After all this time... I should be able to move pass you right? I should be able to look you in the face and not think back to when we use to seat on the rocks by the lake and talk for hours, or when you always stuck up for me. I always there for you too. I remember that time when you called me at 1 in the morning crying you're eyes out because your grandma died and I seat there on the phone making you laugh you forgot why you even called.. Remember that day you saw the blood on my wrist so you held me tight and told me everything was going to be okay. Then you leaned over and kiss me for the first and it felt like time stop like in those cheesy movies. It feels like yesterday that we went on our first date, you took us to play mini golf. But my favorite part was how we still acted like best friends that can kiss each other. That last for year and half... All of sudden you become distant but I just thought it was my fault so I tried to make more plains but you would always be busy with you're family... The day I pain is when I saw you walking down street with some girl hand in you're hand. I ask my friend if she saw the same thing I just did I could tell by the look in her eye she want to say no but she said yes.. I lost it that day on the streets he looked over and saw me....he just kept walking like I was nothing.. Later that night I got phone call thinking it was you I picked it up but it was my friend making sure I was okay... Couple days pass you haven't talk to or even look at me so later that night I called you crying because I knew you were going to be there for me. You picked it up on the last ring.... I didn't know what I was going to say so ask "how life going" you said "it was going okay" you asked me I said "it's about to end and I just want to called and say my goodbyes and I'm sorry I wasn't enough for I hope you find someone who is". The line was silent until you finally finds the words to says that you are sorry and you didn't mean do what you did and that you driving to my house right now so I won't kill myself then you end the phone call..but I couldn't  help to think what you said on the phone was a lie.. When you got here my wrist were bloodying again this time when you held me close it didn't feel just right. You keep asking if I took any pills while your making the bleeding stop.. But the next day when I woke up you were gone again you left a note it took me a while to read because I was scared to but it read.... "I can't deal with this anymore. You're to much to handle I just want a normal girlfriend who isn't suicidel or who doesn't have cuts all over her arms.. I'm tired of people saying gross you're with her. I just want a normal high school relationships and I can't have one if I'm with you because people are always putting me down... I'm sorry to tell you this.." I just look at the note with tears in my eyes I went to call someone to help me through this and I went straight to you're name.. Now it's been 5 months I go to ever high school party to get completely drunk to forget you but some times that doesn't even help. I also get pushed around by all the football players and that even include you I can't even look in anymore.. Sometime I wonder if I called you crying I wonder if you would even answer the phone because I know if the table was flipped I would answer it in a heartbeat.. I will always love you and that's what I hate....