I didn't come out of my room for a week unless i hate to for instants: to go to school. i didn't speak to anyone but J. i didn't eat much maybe an apple a day.. if i could remember. being perfect was so hard.
"why cant i be perfect?" i whispered to myself as i curled up into a ball and fell asleep.
In the morning i walked to school because i wouldn't talk to my dad. I walked into home group and sat down with my head on the table, i saw J walk in and he sat next to me.
"i need to talk to you about something really important" he said, i followed him outside the class room.
"you should start eating more" he exclaimed
"i only want the best for you and i haven't seen you eat in a week.. your getting very thin please eat something" i saw a tear drop run down his face and i had never felt so touched in my life.
"ill start eating then but only breakfast and dinner" i wiped away his tear and kiss him.
"that's a start, I'm very proud" he gave me a tight hug.
i got alot of stairs from people at school that day because i was so thin. i ate dinner that night and before i knew it i was eating more and more until i got to the right weight. I looked in the mirror and realised something else that i didn't like about my body.. my boobs were too small there was nothing there, i basically didn't need a bra.
i called up J and asked him a very important question
"are my boobs too small?". he giggled because i said boobs.. but i guess that's what all guys do. but i got a reasonable answer
"they are fine babe stop worrying about yourself your close to perfect". i didn't want to be close to perfect i wanted to be perfect and i was going to be perfect no matter what.
i got onto the internet on the computer in the family room after everyone had gone to bed, i Google searched 'cheap boob jobs' and found a place that does boob jobs a thousand dollars a boob and i have over that amount of money from saving my whole life.
I called and made a appointment for Tuesday next week, i made a fake signature so that i would be able to get it done. suddenly my dad walked in
"WHAT IS THAT YOUR LOOKING AT?" he yelled waking my mother up
"why is everyone yelling" mum said walking down the stairs.
"nothing mum go back to bed"
"NO, NOT NOTHING SHE WAS LOOK AT BREAST JOBS ON THE INTERNET" dad slapped me
"FOR GOD SAKES DAD I CAN DO WHAT I WANT IM TRYING TO BE HAPPY.. WHY DID YOU SLAP ME FOR?" i shoved him
"BECAUSE YOU DON'T NEED A BREAST JOB YOUR CLOSE TO PERFECT" he slapped me again
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I DON'T WANT TO BE CLOSE TO PERFECT I WANT TO BE PERFECT THAT'S WHY IM DOING THIS" i stormed out of the room and slammed my door shut,
"hunny, our daughter has made an appointment to get a breast job for Tuesday" my dad said to mum. about 10 minutes later i heard a knock on my door.
"if that's you dad I'm not letting you in"
"no its mum" said a gentle voice coming from outside my door. of course i let her in because shes the only one that understands me. she sat on the bed next to me and pulled out pictures of girls with boob jobs to prove to me that its not a good idea.
"Eddy, if you get a boob job you wont be able to breast feed later in life and you realize how dangerous it is?"
"yes mum i realize but i just want to look perfect for J." i started to cry a little
"don't listen to J if he doesn't think your perfect hes not worth it" she obviously didn't understand how much i love him
"mum, j thinks I'm close to perfect.. and i want to be perfect." mum gave me a sad look and left the room. I followed her and apologized her making her feel sad.
"please don't get a boob job Eddy we love you so much and if we were to loose you we don't know what we would do".
"dad doesn't love me." a single tear ran down my face but i was quick to wipe it away with my arm.
"he does love you he just doesn't like showing it" mum gave me a hug and told me it was time to get some sleep.
