Chapter 29: The Letter
I don't know what time it is when I go back home to my own house. I take Buttercup with me. Even if she did leave him to me without my permission, I know I would never just let him starve. I'm sure he can eat some of the meat in my fridge. Besides, I know Greasy Sae will know what to feed him if it comes to that. Plus, surely he knows how to hunt. No one can rely on promised food when they live in the Seam.
I make myself a glass of warm milk, but it's not like that has any chance of deviating my mind. I sit on my couch, probably gathering dust. I try to read, I try to paint, I try to sleep, but nothing I do can stop me from thinking about Katniss, and her halting disappearance.
When I look at a pencil and paper on my desk, an idea finally comes to mind. I sit down and pick up the pencil. I'm positive the expression on my face has not changed since last night, after I stopped crying.
I completely forgot about the letter the love of my life wrote to me.
"Peeta, don't stop. Write the letter. Live. I'm sorry. ~Katniss"
Simple words, a lot of meaning. She wants me to tell the country the truth. She knows I need to do that, even if it is without her. She wants me to live, to find a way to cope, to get over her. She wants me to move on. Doesn't she know how impossible that is? How could I ever accomplish that?
"Don't stop." I'm guessing she means to keep going on with life. To do what I've always planned to. Maybe she means I should try to rebuild and restart the bakery. I wonder if she means don't stop loving her, or looking for her. But I know that's a stupid idea. If that were true, I doubt she ever would have left me in the first place.
"I'm sorry." This one is pretty clear. She's sorry for destroying everything I am, right after I gave myself to her. She's sorry for bringing me down with her. Didn't she have any clue how I felt when I was with her?
I tell myself I have to try to follow the letter, her last wishes for me, no matter how hard it is. I put the letter on the desk and put my pencil to the paper.
Since I don't really how I'm supposed to start, I address the letter to Ian Rapoport. I'm sure wherever this letter goes, it will find him pretty easily.
I begin by saying why we left in a hurry, leaving out the exact details of Katniss's interview. I tell him there was no possible way either of us could stay there any longer.
I begin to explain everything, starting with our votes. I tell him how Katniss regretted her vote after it was cast. Then I tell him how the Games were supposed to be cancel after Coin died, and another form of justice was supposed to be found. Just as Plutarch told us it would.
Then I tell him about our phone calls from Plutarch. I write how Plutarch told Katniss she had no choice but to go, which would leave me without a choice as well. I don't elaborate on why exactly I would have no choice. My love for Katniss is not a factor for anything related to any of this.
I explain how neither Katniss nor I wanted to be a part in the Games. I tell him that we only refrained from saying how much we despised the idea so our words wouldn't be changed into something completely different.
Then I get to Katniss's interview alone. I tell Ian exactly what the interviewer asked. I tell him how Katniss refused to answer and storm out. Then, I decide to change his believed facts. I tell him how we never talked to Plutarch about ever having ideas on how the arena should be designed. I tell him how Katniss never put in any requests for ways death should be put forth.
Then I tell him how Plutarch has been lying to the whole country, saying we fully support the decision of another Hunger Games full of innocent children. I inform him on Plutarch's game plan. I explain how Plutarch knew the whole country would agree with the idea of another Games as long as the Mockingjay did.
Finally, I wrap up with what I hope Ian will do. I ask him to please keep to the truth just this once, to let the country know that their "leader" is not a true man. I ask him to please get the story out before the Games begin. I don't say how I wish this would end them.
Lastly, I tell him, "If you need any proof that this story is legitimate, just as our guard, whose name is Sebastian, to verify. He brought Katniss home, and I'm sure he'll be able to tell you just how distraught we looked. He also took us to our train, so he was fully aware of our early departure."
I sign it with love. I don't tell him how Sebastian felt about the Games, saving him from a round of questions. His own opinions are for him to discuss, not for some reporter to exploit, looking for 10-minute-fame.
I go to the train station, which is where all mail is sent out, since the Justice Building is no longer standing. Not a lot of people go there anymore. The only reason I know of is because of the bodies. I haven't been there myself, and I know I wouldn't be able to handle it. I close my eyes to try to push the thought out of my head. The last thing I need is another reason to be sad.
My letter is addressed to Ian Rapoport in the Capitol. I tell the manager at the Post Office that I don't know where exactly he works or lives. She looks flattered that a celebrity is talking to her, so she is very polite.
"Oh, I'm sure I can find him. You said he's a reporter?" she asks, her tone sweet but fake. I nod. "Right. Well, then I'm sure it won't be too hard. I'll just be sure to send it to the Post Office there. I'm sure they get plenty of letters to reporters."
"Thank you so much," I say with an endearing smile. I leave the building without a second glance.
I make it back home to find myself starving. I don't think we ate any dinner on the train, and I know I didn't make anything back at my house. I didn't have breakfast, and it's well past lunchtime.
I prepare myself a sandwich buy end up giving most of the meat to a begging Buttercup. Maybe I'm like him. Begging Katniss for her love. She gave me all she could, but didn't have any more to spare in the end. Was I really that desperate?
I find myself thinking about Katniss again, and whatever blood I have running through my veins freeze. Thinking about her hurts just as much as seeing her leave. So many things I wish I could change about that night. But, I did one thing she asked me to do. I wrote and sent the letter. I fulfilled on of her requests. But how the hell am I supposed to fulfill the others?
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Wtf, my computer is moving so slow tonight. Well, I think I have about 5-7 more chapters to write, and then I can post!!!!! I know the story has taken a dark turn, but I don't want anyone to lose faith. Trust me, interesting things are about to happen, including the bakery, Delly, and another thing I can't say;) Thank you all for reading! And like I said earlier, if anyone ever wants to talk, I am always on @peetabaesically | ig! Love you guys!
~ Seanna
