Real Talk: Lessons (Finding Myself)

This Nagging Feeling

Hello...

I can't actually honestly say that I've been through a lot because I haven't. But you know how sometimes things just take a toll on you and you just feel... heavy.

***

This is gonna be jumping around. Sorry ;p

***

I've never been the one for serious talks, actually I never really take anything serious unless it has something that can't be taken lightly.

I can't say I've been feeling discouraged, but my usual balance is off.

My brain has been cluttered with stuff and things just keep piling up. Think about it like you're at a buffet, and there's this one kid that's always piling up food on his plate. Making it heavier and heavier till everything is ready to fall off.

Or a volcano that's ready to erupt, in better terms.

After my uncle past away I was having a hard time dealing with it. I had never lost someone that close before and it was difficult. My mom was trying to not show pain but I could see it, I was trying to be the strong one for her, and when she left for New York to go bury her brother... I broke down.

I sat in her room and cried till I couldn't breathe or feel my face. I felt kind of broken...
It's rare that I cry or just feel something that hurts so much in general. I would do everything in my power to steer clear of the topic. There were so many signs and so many things that were going on that I just ignored because I was like everything's fine. There isn't anything going on. But nevertheless there was.

*** A poem for me and you.

This nagging feeling...
I'm not use to crying,
I'm not use to the tears.
The fears...

I lost sight,
Hearing,
Feeling.
I'm numb.

There's always a price to pay
Bottling it up isn't the right way.
Till the walls finally come crumbling.
This nagging feeling...
-Plurpal

***

Everyone sees the world differently. I'm able to notice the true colors of things, whether I want to or not.

I like seeing the bright, jumpy, sarcastic, funny side if things. But it's not like that all the time, and sometimes it takes a toll.

Anywho, things do get better in the near future. Even if on that bumpy road you find something you didn't expect. Sometimes it's the things that you don't expect that make the best out of things. And sometimes not so much.

Looking forward and seeing what you want. That helps. Don't forget you also have to care for yourself as well.

Those other things can sometimes wait...

Take whatever you want out of this...

Just take it as lesson seven...

Goodbye!