The rain feels colder in the summer.
It freezes in the winter so you can't call it rain.
Sometimes in the summer when it rains the sun stays out.
The sunlight illuminates the water that falls from the sky creating something so beautiful
You can't help but be in awe.
The winter is cold and unforgiving,
With few days of brightness and no days of warmth.
It makes you want stay inside.
Has ideas sprung from the distortion of the world
The tears hurt more when I've had a good day.
On the bad days,
I kind of already expected it.
Sometimes,
I can't stop the dark and gloomy storm clouds from coming on the bright and sunny days.
The day could be amazing.
I could win a prize.
The girl I like could like me back.
My father could tell me that he loved me and call me
Just to say it.
Then the night would fall and every good fades with the sun.
As I settle down I flick the switch on my memory
Replaying the events that occurred
As I watch the beautiful scenes replay on a gorgeous tv
A thief breaks into my home
Knocking me out and stealing my tv
But replacing it with an older model.
Trying to forget the thief and move on with my good day I turn the tv back on.
Despite the now distorted and dimmer color quality,
I expecting to see those gorgeous images of the day I just had
The rainbows and smiles that occurred through the day.
Instead,
I get the image of the first time my dad ever hit me.
Hating what I'm seeing I try to change the channel.
As I push the channel up button on the remote there's a little bit of static
Then the next image appears.
This one.
Is the first day I cried because I felt alone.
Thrown off by these images I just turn it off.
Set the remote down and turn away.
Think to myself
What
The hell.
I decide it's best for me to just go to sleep and not think about what I just saw
Those images are from so long ago and today was so bright.
I lay down and pull the blanket over me.
The tv sputters back on out of nowhere.
I bolt up dazed and confused and look directly at what's playing.
The day I wanted to kill myself
And the day I actually tried.
Shocked and enraged by these images I unplug the tv and take a bat to the screen.
It doesn't break.
Instead,
It shows me the days when I was homeless.
The times I was hungry but had nothing to eat
The days I had no shower
So I had really, stinky feet.
The time I realized I have no purpose to live,
My life is like great big ball of shit
I help no one and I feel like I'm losing my mind.
What makes it worse.
These images aren't shown one at a time.
Bombarded with my sadness
My mind goes blank because I don't know what to do
So now I'm stuck with these memories.
Holding them,
I notice every detail.
Holding them,
They spread over my hand
Engulfing my body
Corrupting my soul.
Destroying the beauty, I witnessed through the day.
With such a dark mind I create beauty.
With such a broken heart I love so strong.
With such a jaded view I can't see what wrong.
But I know right now I can't be strong.
I stop trying to swim.
I drown in my memories and hang my head
I watch as the tears fall from my eyes.
The snow falls so softly in the winter.
The world is covered in a sheet of white.
Masking the true color of the world I view.
As I wake up the next morning,
The vicious cycle repeats.
