I always wish for things I can't have.
I always run away from things I'm afraid of
I always think about the things that cause me pain
And I realize that I've been throwing myself in a pit of lies
My dad does want to be apart of my life but I'm too afraid to let him in
I get so sad when I'm by myself
My mother tries her best but I'm not ok
So the love that she shows me I reject and push away
I can't tell you that I live my life for the people that love me because I don't want to lie to you
This life is lived for my unborn kids
The future that I hope for
And the sleep that I'll have but never wake from again
On sunny days when I'm salty I write to the stromier weather
That plays in my soul
I know that the dark isn't leaving
At the moment
All my dreams are gone when I wrote down these words
All my emotions come rushing forward
I'm lost in a sea of things I don't understand
The desperation to stay afloat pulls at my chest
And fuck I need help
I'm so tired of living like everything's fine
But so very far from fine
And I
I really need to know
Why my poems can be so beautiful as you say
But my mind be such a dark place.
