Holiday Heaven (BWWM)

3. Memories

We sat in the car for hours, just driving. I'm not sure where we are going. I just know it's far from that place. I don't know where I am going to go from here, but all I know is that I have to get on my feet. Find a job, my own place, a car, and get my daughter back. My precious baby girl.

I love her so much, but sometimes it's hard. It's hard to continuously feel nothing, but love and devotion, for a child that I neither wanted nor needed. A child that was born due to such harsh and mind numbing circumstances. I hate everything I went through and everything that happened to me. I hated the way my mom let it happen. I hated how she loved money and men more than me. She let all of those men touch and defile my body. She watched as I was helpless, defenseless, and begged them to leave me alone.

I hate all them so much! However, if I could change the past, I wouldn't. If that vile woman had never rented out her own daughter, my beautiful baby wouldn't be here. She is the reason I live, breathe, and exist. I was born to be her mother and love her unconditionally. She is the light of life. I would have never gotten through these dark times without her. She is truly my little angel.

"What are you thinking about so hard over there?" the old men asked me interrupting my thoughts.

I snapped out of my daze, turning my head towards him, "Nothing serious just about how my mom started pimping me out when I was 17."

He chuckled a bit, "Haha very funny. Has anyone every told you, you have a dark sense of humor?"

"Of course! Has anyone ever told you that you are really bad at detecting humor because I didn't know that sexual abuse is funny." I replied dryly

He remained silent and continued driving for a couple more hours. Soon enough we pulled up to this gorgeous house (pictured in media). Once he parked, I began to make my way out of the car when I noticed that he hadn't moved an inch.

I took a deep breath putting my hand on his shoulder, "Are you okay Ethan?"

He turned his head in my direction, " I should be asking you that question. You just told me a couple hours ago that your mom pimped you out. You were only 17 years old. How are you worried about me right now?"

I sighed and looked away, "What happened in the past is in the past. I don't consider myself a victim because I'm not. Look it happened and nothing can take it back. Nothing can give me back what I lost, but that's okay, because I have gained so much more" I continued as I looked into his eyes "My name is Sydney Davis and I am not a victim. I am a survivor of sexual assault and rape. I am a warrior who wears my battle scars proudly." I shut down all the sympathy and worry that he was expressing through his words and his body language. I appreciate his concern; however, I don't need nor want it. If I wanted to talk to someone about it, I would get a therapist. I just hope that he understands the message I am trying to convey.

With that being said, I removed my hand from his shoulder and exited the car. After a few moments, he followed behind me.

"Is there anything I can do to make it better?" he asked. I took a moment to think. Although he did seem concerned, I knew there was another reason behind his offer. There is always a underline reason why someone wants to help me. He wants something. I just don't know what.

I snickered, "Cut the bs, what is it that you want Mr. Morris?"

"I need your help. I need you to spend Christmas with my family and I, but I need you to pretend to be my wife. Please, I really need you to do this for me." he admitted

"You want my help?" I laughed "what's in it for me?"

He smirked circling around me before pulling me closer to him, "You can have whatever you want baby. Just name it."

"If you want me to be your wife," I whispered in his ear "bring me my kid."

"You have a kid?" he asked looking down at me "how? You live on the streets."

"No questions." I replied placing my pointer finger on his pale lips

" Now, do we have a deal?" I asked extending my hand out.

He paused for a second to think.

"We have a deal." He confirmed shaking my hand