Uncontrollable // Ed Sheeran

~ 13 ~

Ed took me back home after having picked up the pizza. I sat down on the bed and pulled my sleeves over my hands as I watched Ed get the pizza out on the table. He came and sat beside me and pulled me in. I was still shaking a little.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, especially when you're here. I just freaked out with us being in public it just made everything feel.. real"

Ed pushed himself up further on to the bed, crossed his legs and pulled his sleeves over his hands just like me, and so we were sat face to face.

"My ex boyfriend did something in my last relationship that meant that my relationships would never be the same again, and so I'm scared even though I know you're not the same. I haven't been able to speak about or be with anyone since. When we've been together it has been just us, like a dream, but being out made me realize that it was really happening and I panicked"

"No, your relantionships will never be the same again. Because I love you I'll never hurt you the way that he did. I'll treat you right, as you deserve. Our relationship will be far from the same. We can be just.. us. When we are together we are just us. I'm not him and it won't be the same. And I'm going to give you as much time as you need to understand that."

"But Ed you don't understand what he did, it'll never work I have too much baggage"

"We'll get threw it whatever it is. And I don't even need to know what happened because I already know that it won't happen again, I can't explain how much I love you Nina."

Ed became silent and looked at me in the eyes whilst holding my hands. I didn't think that he understood, which was understandable.

I'd lost everything in my previous relationship and I was scared to loose everything again. I was scared that I'd loose myself. I was scared that he'd hurt me. All of the fear was unconscious but I knew that it was there and I couldn't keep it under control with Ed. I loved him too much.

Ed was still holding my hands and was looking at me softly. I looked up at him and made a nervous smile. Everything had become so complicated in my head.

"Do you trust me Nina?"

I looked down. I didn't know how to answer. I do trust Ed but I feel like I can't let myself trust him. I needed to show myself that I could trust him. I looked up at him and lent in to kiss him, pushing him into his back. I climbed on top of him and continued to kiss him, as much as I could, but an uncontrollable tear ran down my cheek. Ed quickly pushed me off.

"Nina what are you doing?"

"I trust you"

"No Nina this isn't right, you're forcing yourself. You don't need to do this"

"But I want to show you that I trust you"

"You don't need to do it like this. All you're doing is hurting yourself. It'll come with time and I'll wait for it"

Ed put one hand around my waist and used the other to put my hair behind my ear. He wiped the tear off my cheeks and gently pushed me off him laying me by his side and then pulled me in towards him. I closed my eyes and held onto him tight.

"I'm sorry.. I'm a mess.."

"Don't be. I understand and we'll take our time. Nobody needs to know until you're comfortable with it."

"Thank you, I love you Ed, that's why I'm like this. It's a blessing and a curse"

"Don't say that Nina. To me you are nothing but a blessing. You are perfect. I love you"

Ed gently kissed me on the cheek and stood up to go and pick up my guitar. I sat up and saw him looking at me with a huge smile. He sat down next to me and started playing the chords from the other night.

"You remembered them!" I giggled.

"I've been working on it, and I've managed to write a couple of lyrics"

I wrapped my arms around Ed with excitement.

"Can you sing it to me? What's it about?"

"It's not finished yet, but trust me you'll be the first to hear it when it is. You did help me create the melody"

I laughed and placed my hands around his face, softly pulling him in and I kissed him on the cheek.

I picked up two pieces of pizza and handed one to Ed.