Uncontrollable // Ed Sheeran

~ 19 ~

Seeing Jack again gave me chills. I'd been keeping everything under control, my memories, my thoughts, my emotions. I wanted to move forward with Ed and leave everything behind. It was his music that helped me through everything and now it is him in person. This wasn't fair on him. Ed is the first person I have talked to about what happened, everyone else thinks that I was happy with them and then they moved away so I moved on. But they moved away because they had no choice, but now they're back.

I wanted Ed to hold me in his arms and to kiss me and make me feel safe. But seeing Jack again, who ever I touch I just see his face. I don't want to but I'm back to square one. Ed tried to comfort me but I had to push him away, nothing felt right anymore. I love him but everywhere I look I see the past. I didn't even know what Jack wants. Harry said he misses me but I don't want him around, he has ruined me enough.

"Did you pick up your stuff?"

"Yeah babe it's here"

I hadn't even noticed his bag.

"I'm so glad you're here, I'm just sorry you came back when you did"

"I'm not, Nina he could have hurt you"

I went silent. I went over to the table and picked up my little box then handed it to Ed.

"I need cheering up, and you did say that you were saving it for later"

Ed looked down at it, smiled and laughed. I guessed that was his way so saying okay so I went and picked up my packet of cigarettes, took one out and ripped the paper around it so I could use the tabaco. I took out some of my thin, long papers out of my draw along with some little pieces of card paper. I had everything I needed and meanwhile, Ed was getting some of his stuff out and putting it away, and picked up a DVD.

"Shreck?" He asked holiding up the first DVD he could find.

"Sounds great" I laughed as he smiled back. He put the DVD and came and sat next to me on the bed, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

We took it in turns to smoke on the joint, and I found myself laughing at everything he said and him in return. We weren't even paying attention to the DVD anymore, we were just in our own world. Ed grabbed my hands and was smiling at me, looking deep into my eyes.

"What is it?" I giggled.

"You're not like the other girls. Sure you were a fan but you didn't want to just get into bed with me or liked the fact I wrote relatable songs. You liked me because of the music, the raw music. You looked past everything else and you found me. And I knew the moment that I started talking to you that I would fall in love with you. Because you had never physically noticed me before. You had noticed me, for me."

"Ed, I have never felt as safe as I do with you. And it feels like I can't control myself anymore, that everything just happens, but I am just in this perfect happy bubble with you and i can escape from reality. You are the uncontrollable thing that happened to me. And I love you for it, I've never been so alive."

Ed started laughing again.

"We're not actually making much sense" I giggled.

"We don't need to"

I wrapped my arms around him and he held me tighter than ever. I snuggled my head into his neck and whispered "I'm so hungry". Ed burst out laughing and gently pushed me up putting his hands round my face. I was so relaxed, it felt good to not panic a little inside when he touched me.

"Let's go get some food"

I knodded and giggled a little. Ed turned off the DVD and we picked up our jackets, and my bag.
______________________________________

We were just about to walk out the door when I noticed that I was about to go out in public, with Ed. I stopped and looked at him, he held my hand and just smiled.

"It's just us two Nina, in our own world"

I looked up at him and gently kissed him on the lips. Reality had already caught up with me, there was no point in running away from it anymore. We walked outside and began to walk towards a part of London not too far from where I lived, but I started to get more and more nervous. The only thing keeping me calm at the moment was the weed.

"What do you want to get to eat?"

"I don't know maybe just some chips, I just want something greasy" I laughed a little nervously. I felt that everyone was looking at us. We walked up to a stand and Ed took out his wallet.

"I'll get it don't worry" I smiled at him. He leaned down to kiss my on the cheek and whispered into my ear.

"I love you."

He then smiled and waited as I went up to buy the food. A girl who was standing behind me in the queue tapped on my shoulder. I turned round and she asked me a question.

"Are you Ed Sheeran's girlfriend?"

I paused for a minute and turned to look at Ed. He had just lit a cigarette and was playing with his hoodie sleves which made me giggle. I loved him so much. I turned around to the girl and replied.

"Yes, I am"

"I know you make him happy because he looks at you in the way I'd like him to look at me" she giggled and walked over to Ed and asked for a photo before disappearing. She made me realize how lucky I was to be out with Ed, and that it shouldn't make me nervous at all.

"Here, chips and cheese" I said to Ed as handed his to him.

"You know how to make a guy happy" he laughed and kissed me on the cheek again before handing me a cigarette. We walked over to a bench in the shade.

"We don't have to stay out here if you don't want us to be seen"

"No Ed, I do. I want to be in a relationship with you. I can't let my past ruin my future"

"You mean Jack?"

"No, my past experiences. The thought of being in a relationship has be scaring me to death over the past year, but it's not scary when you're with the right person. I'm going to fix the mess my past has made"

Ed lent over to kiss me, pulling me in close, and I let myself go as much as I could. I felt so good to be safe.