Message Received

7

"Kalani, honey it'll be getting cold. Try and eat a couple bites please."

I look up at Dianna with vacant eyes and notice that I'm being stared at by all three of them. They look worried, especially Demi. I don't blame her though, I've been mute since reading that note. It's been one week since my run in with La Diabla and the murder of my parents. There was no funeral, no minute's of silence, nothing. After finding out the truth about them, I'm not the least bit surprised that no one paid their respects. My parents don't deserve respect; they never did.

Only nodding in response to Dianna's plea, I look back down at my plate and hesitantly reach for my fork. Every muscle in my body feels like a dead weight; almost as if my body is slowly starting to die on me or weigh me down until I'll stay down forever.

I don't know what's happening to me. My head feels clustered with a million and one thoughts but also nothing at all. I feel suffocated yet empty, numb yet feeling too much. There's no in between. I have no control anymore.

My senses are heightened, sounds around me are louder. I can practically hear my blood moving around my body, pumping in and out of my heart. Cutlery clattering against each other as the rest of them eat happily only causes me to fall into thoughts I wish would leave. With every piece of metal meeting the other, all I hear are the chains that imprisoned me. My wrists ache and feel weighed down as if I'm still being restrained. They burn. They make me feel trapped.

I can feel my heartbeat increase with every passing sound, - clink, clink, clink - I need out of here.

"Kal, are you okay?"

Even my eyelids feel like lead as I switch my stare from my wrists - which are now being strangled by my hands - and to the source of the voice. Demi looks at me with such a loving gaze and I know that she wants me to speak, to say something, but I don't. Instead, I simply nod my head but excuse myself from the table.

I can hear them all calling my name, asking me what's wrong, but I don't turn back. I need to be alone. I feel like a recluse but I don't care. All I ever do now is lock myself in my room and try and ignore all of their questions. I know it's not fair to them, but they wouldn't understand what's going on. My parents were murdered, I was nearly sold for sex, everyone thought I was dead. A lot has happened and my mind doesn't know how to deal with it.

I make sure to close my bedroom door behind me and make my way over to my new bed. Eddie decorated the old study room for me so that I have space of my own which I'm grateful for, but sometimes the silence gets too much. One minute I want the loneliness, the next I crave company. I can't keep up.

My hands run over the purple cover of my diary; a gift from Demi after I officially moved in with them. She said she wanted me to have somewhere to express myself if I ever feel I need to. Of course, she did add that I could confide in her at any time, but some things are too hard to vocalise.

I reach over for the pen on my bedside table, ready to pour my feelings out onto paper, when my phone vibrates.

From Demi
You okay? x

My heart sinks at her text because I know that I'm being nothing but a bitch to her, only because I don't want her to be subjected to whatever it is that's happening to me. I don't want her to leave me but I'm already pushing her away. She deserves better anyway.

To Demi
Fine, just want to be alone x

I make sure to add a kiss at the end, just because I don't want her to be any more hurt than she no doubt already is. I miss her like crazy. I miss the feeling of being in her arms and feeling her lips against mine, but it has to be this way.