Memories - PHAN

1

Phil was setting up his camera to film when the police called him.

He felt completely numb all the way through the phone call, and was convinced he was dreaming for at least two minutes afterwards.

The emotions came suddenly, tears beginning to stream down his face. It felt as if his insides had all collapsed inside of him and dropped to his feet, and he fell on his side, fingers twisting in the sheets, and his legs pulling up to his chest. He was sure his heart was literally twisting inside his chest, getting ready to whither up and die.

"Nonononono...." He mumbled, trying to pick himself up. He hiccuped, and tears immediately clouding his sight, and running down his face. "This can't fucking be happening."

He whined, jumping up, and sprinting to the door. He stepped into his shoes forcefully, bending the heel inwards. He didn't bother getting a jacket, even though it was raining.

He ran down the street, barely being able to see through the tears. He didn't even notice the confused bystanders or bikes trying to get past him, all that mattered was getting to Dan.

It wasn't true, the police had to belying. They had to. This kind of thing only happened in the movies! Dan couldn't have been in a car crash! He couldn't have, he couldn't do that to Phil or anyone! God wouldn't do that to Phil, oh, it was definitely a misunderstanding. Please Please let it be a misunderstanding

Phil finally got a cab, shrieking the hospital name to the confused driver. Phil buried his face in his hands, leaning against the window and shaking uncontrollably as time whizzed by. He couldn't lose Dan, he couldn't, he couldn't, he couldn't....

***

Phil had been pacing for half an hour, breathing heavily, and feeling like he was constantly on the edge of having a panic attack.

"...he will survive..." Phil took a deep breath; he was not going to lose Dan forever.

"...but." Oh fuck.

"He hit his head quite hard. He has minor scalp wounds and subarachnoid hemorrhage, and so we will merely have to remove pressure on his brain, and remove the blood. We will run a cerebral angiography to make sure his blood flow has not been affected. There is no bleeding in the tissue, He's been in and out of consciousness constantly, and was very disoriented. He mumbled something about a headache, there was nausea, and his pupils are dilated. We have concluded that he has a concussion, and will do an MRI scan to check for brain damage."

Phil hugged his arms around him, trying to breath and take it all in.

"But it is quite serious, and he has a grade 4 concussion. There is a high chance that he will have retrograde amnesia. We will not be able to test that until he is awake."

Retrograde amnesia.  The term played over and over again in his head. This felt like a movie, this felt unreal. He didn't want Dan to forget him, but as long as Dan came out alive and well, he was happy.

Phil wiped his eyes, shaking as he called Dan's Mum.

It hurt so much, and he just wanted his boyfriend back in his arms.

***

I felt myself come into consciousness, but I didn't want to open my eyes. The light burned through my eyelids, and I had the worst headache I had ever had in my life.

I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing someone would turn off the lights because it hurt so damn much. My head pounded, and I wanted the pain to go away.

"Mu...." I groaned, my head spinning. I felt like I needed to vomit. I felt so dizzy and it felt as though I was being dragged back into slumber. I willed myself to stay awake. I needed to know what was happening.