Memories - PHAN

3

When I awoke next, three people were hovering over my head, staring down at me anxiously. I smiled up at my family for a few moments, before patting the side of the bed for Phil. He was gone. I frowned, but quickly turned my attention back to my family.

The familiar faces made me feel much calmer, and it made it feel like my life wasn't completely turned upside down. Although it was very unsettling to see how much had changed with my family. My father has some grey in his hair, my mum has crinkles around her eyes, and my brother looks like a whole new person. He must be almost as tall as me. I felt like crying just thinking of the fact I missed seeing him grow up into a man.

I tried to smile as convincingly as I could nonetheless, trying not to worry my family, as my mums face was already very tear stained. We exchanged gentle hugs and nice words that made me cringe slightly at the cheesiness. After a few minutes the nurse came in to explain the situation to my family.

I still hadn't heard the speech about my situation, (except for the simplified explanation from Phil which was basically references from amnesia themed movies). I tried to listen as intently as I could, holding my breath.

"Retrograde amnesia is often temporarily graded, meaning that remote memories are more easily accessible than events occurring just prior to the trauma, and the events nearest in time to the crash may never be recovered. This is because the neural pathways of newer memories are not as strong as older ones that have been strengthened by years of retrieval and reconsolidation. While there is no actual cure for retrograde amnesia, jogging Daniel's memory by exposing him to significant and insignificant articles from the interval of their missing memory will often speed the rate of recall."

I let out a shaky breath, the same line running through my head. "May never be recovered..." I may never get my memories back.

My family nodded sadly and politely, as the nurse ran off again. I tried to collect myself, and calm my breathing as they turned all their attention back on me. I felt like crying, but I tried to appear calm and not anxiety ridden as my family bombarded me with questions about what I could remember.

***

After a few more tests to check for brain swelling and internal bleeding, I was admitted to go home. My family had already left to go and check into a hotel to get some sleep after their long traveling. I felt bad for making them come all the way from India, but I was grateful to see them.

I rubbed my hands anxiously, wondering what exactly my home was. I knew I lived with Phil, but what was it like? Would that spark some memories?

Phil had gone home to sleep for a few hours while my family had came, but he was back now, and looking much fresher. I sat on my bed, leaning my head so I could watch him as he talked to the nurse. He looked a lot more awake, and his hair was straight and his cheeks less pale. He was wearing a galaxy jacket that made him look more like a space nerd than a pretentious hipster, which was very endearing. He smiled nicely at the nurse, and I smiled just from watching him.

I waited impatiently until he peaked in and ushered me to follow him out. I smiled widely. I jumped off the bed, groaning when I finally stood up and felt how stiff my legs were. I winced, walking slowly to get used to the feeling and the weight. I felt my head rush, and I leaned against the doorframe, rubbing my eyes. I definitely got up too fast.

I opened my eyes to see Phil right in front of me, his arms out towards me. I took the invitation, and moved forward to wrap my arms tightly around his waist. I pressed my face into his neck, smiling at his wonderful smell and holding him tighter now that I had the strength. He laughed loudly into my ear.

"I was just going to help you walk out but okay." He said, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I blushed, moving back from him and laughing awkwardly. He put his arm around my waist, and I let myself lazily lean my weight into his warm side, groaning inwardly at my actions. I hesitantly rested my head on his shoulder, my heart fluttering inside my chest.