Memories - PHAN

4

I barely slept all night.

I was so thirsty, but when I walked to the kitchen I ran into the glass door Phil had warned me about. I swore loudly and then almost dropped my cup getting the water.

I had a headache, but swallowing pills is the worst thing ever so I just buried my head in the pillow, willing for it to go away.

I couldn't get comfortable because of the cut on my head, and because I was too cold even with my blankets wrapped around me like a cocoon.

Just as I was getting close to sleep, Phil had to come and wake me up again. I was much too awake after he left again, so I grabbed the Macbook that was sitting on the other side of the room. I squinted against the bright screen as I waited for my eyes to adjust to see the login screen. I typed in the password I had used since year 7, and mentally rolled my eyes because I still hadn't found a better password.

I searched up Dailybooth first. I raised my eyes in confusion when no site came up. Had Dailybooth disappeared from the internet? I shrugged and clicked on the twitter tab, my eyes immediately going to the follower count.

My heart stopped.

I had over one million followers. I checked the username, but it seemed to be my account. I rubbed my eyes, expecting it to go back down to the couple hundred followers that I'd had before.

Was Phil not lying about the YouTube fame thing? Was it possible I had 3 million subscribers? I clicked on the YouTube tab. I frowned at how completely different it looked, but finally found my way to my channel.

I had nearly 100 videos, and over 3 million subscribers. I pinched myself to make sure I wasn't actually dreaming.

There were less than 3 million people in some countries! I could start an army or a cult. People listened to me and probably judged me on a daily basis, and 3 million people still thought me worthy of a subscribe. I smiled widely, being absolutely blown away. Was it possible I wasn't as annoying as I thought?

I scrolled through my videos. A lot of them were with Phil! A lot of the videos looked intriguing, but I didn't feel like just listening to myself talk, so I clicked on one with Phil called "amazingdan."

I could barely keep in my giggles. I held my pillow up to my chest, hugging it tightly. We looked so happy, and we actually did have amazing chemistry. Who knew?

The happiness radiated off the screen, and I felt my chest warm because this was real life. I was living with my idol and I had just about the best job I could imagine.

Life had felt so pointless before. School was dreadful, university was dreadful, and it felt like I was bound up to end in a dreadful job. It felt like my whole life was just sitting in silence and waiting for it to end. I laughed and partied, but there was always that sinking feeling in my gut and that cloud of gray in my head and that voice in my head that told me that sadness was inevitable.

I was unmotivated and lazy because life really felt pointless. You drag yourself through life, stuck in societal boundaries and laws and basically being a copy of one another. But the point of life may not be doing amazing, unique things and making a huge impact.

The meaning of life may just be to be happy, and spending nights in a cozy flat with a wonderful boyfriend and making silly videos sounds pretty damn great.

Life doesn't have to be tiring and dreadful, it can be content and wonderful and average but unique to your own self.

I carried on, starting to watch all of Phil's videos because he was just about the most wonderful thing in the universe to me.