It wasn't until 7 o'clock that Phil was able to communicate again like a normal person. Anne-Marie spent the most part of an hour talking to him in the back of Wendy, whilst Steven and I started to build the fire again.
There was a constant awkward silence that filled the campsite at the moment, and there was a similar silence when Steven and I had to go and get more wood to put on the fire. Walking back with small logs and twigs in my arms I had this insane urge to drop everything and just kiss him while no one could see me sin. Soon these temptations will get the better of me...
The only thing holding me back was Phil. I knew I would have to talk to him at some point.
As it turned out, that moment would come sooner rather than later, because when we reached the campsite again, Phil was standing there, staring at us, Anne-Marie close behind, looking shy and awkward.
I felt Steven's eyes on me but resisted the need to look at him.
Finally, Phil spoke.
"Can I talk to you, Charlie?" his voice clearly broken as he fought to hold the pieces together.
"Sure" I tried to smile but my lips completely failed me.
He started walking towards the woods and I followed close behind. I took a second to look back at Steven who looked like he was about to cry and then quickly hurried to catch up with Phil.
We walked for a while, until we were well out of site from the others before he started talking.
"I don't really know what to say to you" he said. His voice a little less broken, as if he felt more comfortable now. Understandable; despite how shit of a friend I can be, we have always been so close. Also, since Steven is now out of the way, he doesn't need to feel nervous.
"I'm sorry, Phil" I say. "There is no excuse for how fucked up this situation is, and I know too well it's my fault."
"It's not just your fault, you know. Even though you have every right to like each other, he's the one who liked you first" his voice much calmer now, as we walked further and further. But wait... how did he know that he liked me? I just found out myself.
"How...?" I began.
"Anne-Marie... He told her from the beginning, she told me everything. That's how messed up all this is... Steven started liking you, he told Anne-Marie, Anne-Marie fell for you, all the while I was in love with Steven" he had a point... this was pretty messed up.
I didn't say anything but he stopped in his tracks and looked at me.
"I want you to be happy, Charlie" he said. "Will he make you happy?"
I don't think he really wanted an answer, and I didn't even know what answer to give him.
"I don't know" I say "He's fun but I don't really know what he's actually like, you know?"
"I do" he started smiling, as if remembering something that made him happy. "He would be good for you, as much as I hate that" he said.
I don't deserve for him to be nice to me, I don't deserve his forgiveness. I definitely do not deserve to be happy or have Steven, which I know would hurt him even more.
"You probably shouldn't have done what you did and I can hate you for that. But at the end of the day I can't deny that he will never like me the way he likes you" he smiles.
I don't really know what to say, so I just put my arms around him.
"I admire you, Phil. You can admit to yourself how you really feel. That's something I know I can't do; admit how I really feel. I like him... a lot..." I can't help the tears and neither can he. With my arms around him he says something which I choose to believe and I choose to accept.
"You should be with him. Go and talk to him" his voice sounding almost happy, but I can't tell if it's honest.
We walk back together, the silence strangely comfortable.
He goes straight over to Anne-Marie who is sitting on the opposite side of the (now fully lit) fire to where Steven is sat. I stand at the edge of our little seating circle, and look at Steven. He looks into my eyes until my attention settles on Anne-Marie and Phil who are walking back towards Wendy.
"We'll get going in a bit, yeah?" Anne-Marie says to Steven. He nods and they both walk off.
I hear the doors shut and then silence.
"Sit" he says.
I sit. Suddenly realising that I know have to explain how I feel... not my strong point, I'll be honest.
"Can I just say... that no matter what happens I want to be able to get back in the mini-van feeling no different from how I felt when we stepped out here in the first place" he says.
"Okay".
We sit there beside each other in the silence for a while. For once it's not awkward. I feel like I could stay here, in the quite bliss that fills the campsite at night.
"I love you" Steven says out of the blue.
"I love you too" I say "I just need to figure out if that's romantically or not. Because I'm quite sick of making mistakes in my life. I know they say 'you learn from your mistakes' but that's complete bullshit... because I do nothing but make mistakes and I never seem to learn-"
Before I could finish my sentence I felt his lips on mine and suddenly all my thoughts escaped me, even after he pulled away from me.
"You have plenty of time to figure out whether or not you love me romantically. But right now, I just want you in my life. Can you give me that?" his hand reaches for mine. I may not be sure about how I feel but I know what I want... Him.
"Yes" I say, just in time, before I feel my lips against his once more, and his hands around my waist.
I rest my forehead on his as we both take a breath. My eyes shut so tight that I forget where we are, I forget out situation, the road trip, Phil, Anne-Marie, Lauren and everything. I just live in this moment for a second, before being dragged back to reality.
We make our way back to Wendy to join the others and carry on with our tremendous adventure.
I sit behind Anne-Marie who took shot-gun next to Phil and Steven sits beside me.
"What an odd group we are..." says Anne-Marie "The gay, the lesbian and the adrenalin junkie couple..." She laughs and so does Phil. It's nice to hear him laugh.
"It's a shame the sluts not here with us" says Steven. Anne-Marie throws a crisp at him from the bag she's been eating but laughs anyway, knowing that what he's saying is true, despite her loyal friendship to Lauren.
I decide to lay on Steven and try and sleep for a bit as Phil drives us through the night.
It's not long before the peaceful silence puts me to sleep and despite being in a moving vehicle, this is probable the best I've slept in a while.
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YOU ARE READING
Through the Tunnel
أدب المراهقينCharlie has always lived in the moment and is always looking for fun. Her next big adventure is a summer road trip with some of the most amazing people in her life. They always knew this trip would change their lives... They just didn't know how...
