The Things She Never Said

A Week Earlier: Friday (Noon)

"Hello? Anyone home? What's this? Get Ready! Oh no."
   He runs out the house and down that stairscase.
"He's coming, Tee." Jace says through the walkie talkie.
"Roger that, Jai. Over and out." I say back.
"One, two" Jace starts.
"Three." We say at the same time."
Pow! Pow! Pow!
We shoot Maxie as he reaches the last step on the stairs.
Pow!
"Sorry, one more for good luck?"  I say more as a question.
"What's up, bro. Long time no see."
Maxie narrows his eyes at Jace.
"Dude, I saw you yesterday!"
I go over and give Maxie a kiss on the cheek.
"Get a room." Jace rolls his eyes.
" Okay." Maxie and I say together. We start to walk up the stairs.
"Don't you dare! Touch her and I'll shoot you. Swear to god!"
Pow! Pow!
"F***!"
"There's many more where that came from if you touch her." Jace hold up his gun.
"Okay but that hurts like a bitch, please no more!"
"Yeah don't kill my boyfriend or else."
"Or else what?" He says with a grin.
"Let's just put it as Dad doesn't check to see if we're still alive at the end of the week."
"You God damn would not."
"You bet your ass!" I say.
"Language!"
" Oh shut up! You're just jealous cause I'm older."
"Not by much, Honey,"
"I swear you're gay."
"Only for you baby."
"I'm not a guy!"
"Oh, father didn't tell you?"
"Okay, okay enough." Maxie says.
"Yeah, Talie."
"Jealous, gay child."
"Man child."
"Ugly child."
"We're twins!"
"Enough!" Maxie yells this time.
"Give me a cigarette."
"I'll give you the whole pack if you shut up." I make a motion like I'm zipping my lips.
"Mmm,"
"Here."
"Thanks." I say waving the pack of cigarettes in his face. He pulls a pack out of his pocket.
"Welcome babe." He smiles. I stick my hand out.
"Lighter or matches?"
"Lighter, black and all yours."
"Awe, thanks. I love you!"
"Love you, too." I take out a cigarette from the pack and Maxie hands me my new lighter and I light the cigarette. I take a long drag.
"Penny for your thoughts, Jai?"
"How can you do that? Do you want to die of cancer? Cause I sure as hell don't."
"Because, Jace. Just because."
I truely don't care what happens to me. If I had a choice, I'd just die.
"Next time we go see Tracy, remind me to tell her to up my medication."
"Okay I'll remember." He responds.
I throw my cigarette over the rail and run up the stairs. I go to my room and then the tears start streaming and they won't stop. I hear a knock then; "Baby girl, what's wrong?"
" I don't know, I just, I don't wanna live anymore. I can't! I can't take it. You can do so much better without me. Jace wouldn't have to worry about his fucked up sister. I wouldn't still be grieving Mom's death. Dad would have one less kid to worry about. I mean, face it I'm already a screw up and I'm, I'm only 16! Do you know how hard it is to be 16 and know that your a druggie, a smoker, a drinker, and a cutter. To take medication and have such "childish" fears? To be labeled? To, to...." I start to break down and begin to feel everything. It hurts so bad, I feel like someones crushing my lungs and I can't breathe. I'm breathing too heavily, I think I'm gonna pass out.
"Baby girl, breathe. Just breathe, please." I start to listen to his words and try to breathe. It finally works after a few minutes.
"Babe don't talk like that. I love you. Jace loves you. Sure your dad may not be home all the time but I bet he loves you too. If not, fuck him. Sure you have problems but who doesn't? That's what makes some of us human."
"Mom's death wasn't your fault, darlin'. It wasn't any of ours. Daddy was drunk driving. His money got him out of the situation other then that he would be rotting behind bars right now and God I wish he was. No one should ever have to go through that yet many people do. In our case, it's like one in a million but look at us, survivng almost six years later. Dads a work-a-holic. Moms...gone. Its just us....and Maxie." Jace puts an arm around Maxie's shoulder.
"You're apart of the family, man. Be happy 'bout that."
"Thanks guys. You're both amazing." I say. "Hey, wanna go somewhere?" I ask. They look at each other and nod. Then look back at me.
"Yeah, sure, dollie. Where?"
"Yeah, where?" Jace asks.
"Barnes and Nobles?"
"Yeah,"
"Okay."
"Yay!" I grab my sneakers and put them on. I grab my lighter, cigarettes, wallet, phone, and, headphones.
"Ready!"
"You sure, Princess."
"Yes, asshole."
"Okay, come on you two." Maxie intervenes.
I skip out the house and run down the stairs.
"Come on! Come on!" I yell. The boys are still up there.
   I grab the headphones out of my back pocket and start listening to Pandora Radio.
"Maybe I'm better off dead. If I was would it finally be enough, to shut out all those voices in my head?" I sing along to the song. I start to hopscotch down the driveway. Yup', that's my way of dancing. I really can't dance, as I have learned. When the song ends, I take out my headphones and turn around and see that they are still at the top of the driveway. Slow pokes, I shake my head. I haven't been to Barnes and Nobles since last week! It feels like forever though. I already know what books I want to buy, too.
"Independence Hall and The White House."
"What?"
"Maxie they're the books I'm gonna buy."
"Oh. Are they books about government?"
"Nope. But if you read them you'll find out."
"Nice try but no." He says with a toothy grin.
"What can I say? I'm a bookworm."
"Eh. I'm not."
"Yeah, same." Jace says.
"And now I know why you guys are such "boobsicles"."
"I'm a boy, not a guy and definitely not a "boobsicle" whatever the hell that is." Jace answers back.
"Whatever." I say. I take out my headphones, plug them into my phone and play Breaking Benjamin Radio on Pandora. The song "I will not bow" begins to play. I start to sing part of the song then take out my headphones to see if anyone was listening. I hear Maxie singing the rest of the song. Oh, that's right. Maxie and I used to listen to this song all the time. We called it our song. Hell, we've called a lot of songs our song. We also used to listen to Breaking Benjamin's "The Diary of Jane". I start humming the tune. Then this clown, Jace, speaks in his sweet, precious and all knowingly way; "I'm hungry."
"You just ate, like literally you were eating two grilled cheese's and a half like less than a hour ago!"
"So...."
"Whatever" Then it goes completely silent.
Well while I have the time, let me tell you a bit about Maxie and I. Short version though cause the long version is just too long. Maybe I'll tell you it later. Anyways, you ready?
   I met Maxie back in 2008, when I was five. He lived two houses away and was in Jace and my classroom. Him, Jace and I interacted more cause we all lived near one another and were in the same classroom. Then we all became the best of friends and Maxie started coming over to the house more often. Maxie and I have always liked each other but finally admitted that we liked each other in 2014, I was eleven. Then, Mom died and all went to hell. But he was there for me, always. Then when I was 14, he found me crying cause it was Moms anniversary and he told me "Stop crying, please, you're too beautiful." and then he kissed me. I was suprised but I kissed back. And we've been dating since. Doesn't mean that I ever regret what I did next. I started drinking and smoking, actually, my older cousin Loretta gave me my first vodka shot. Then I started taking my dads cigarettes and his beer and whiskey and whatever I could find. And nobody cared but Maxie and Jace. The most important part of this is that he stuck by me. He is my best friend till the end. Like Chucky. I told him that and then he laughed and said he loved me. Then he told me "One day, I'll marry you and never let go." I think I truely do love him. But that, my darlings is one thing I'll never tell him. One day I'll tell him.
   We continue walking towards Barnes and Noble. I can't wait! I buy and save all my books because one day I wanna live in a Mansion and have a big library so that everytime my kids get bored they could read a book. Finally, we arrive at Barnes and Nobles. I walk up to one of the workers named Janite and say "Hi, um can you tell me where the Roland Smith books are?"
"Yes I can. What books are you looking for?"
"Independence Hall and The White House"
"Okay I will be back in a jiffy." I give her a questioning look and she notices.
"They're brand new books," She says. "I know that if I were getting books I wouldn't wanna walk all the way over there just to find out they're not there. So I'm not sure if you feel the same way but I don't wanna make you walk over there for nothing so I'll just do it for you."
"Oh.Thank you, that's so sweet. Okay I'll wait here."
She walks away but not before saying "Please, look at some books while you wait." I look right next to me and see that the Teen Ficition shelf is a few steps away. Of course, I go up to the book shelf and look at the romance novels. There's Sarah Densen, Susane Colasanti and a bunch more but those are the authors I have my eye on. I love their books. They write the best love stories. Then I look on a different shelf and see the book "Looking for Alaska".
"Guys," I say. "I know what other book I'm getting."
"What?" Maxie says, uninterested.
""Looking for Alaska" by John Green."
"OMG girl. I heard that was supposed to be such a good book! Like you should totally get it." Jace says in an attempted girly voice.
"You suck at girly voices," I say.
"Yeah, man up bro." Maxie says.
   After waiting a little longer, Janite comes back.
"Sorry it took so long. Here you go," She hands me the books. "And if you would follow me, I will gladly check you out."
"Okay, let me just," I grab "Looking for Alaska". "Okay I'm ready."
"Okay now just follow me..." I follow Janite to one of the cash registers and she checks me out.
"Thanks."
We leave Barnes and Nobles and head back to the house.