Haunting Memories

Chapter 9

Ritika walked restlessly along the path in the gardens, trying to decipher the demands of her heart. She moved swiftly, ignoring the stares of the gardeners who were surprised to finally find her in the gardens again after so many months. One of them tried to approach her as she passed, probably to wish her good morning and express his joy at seeing her up and about, but she walked past swiftly, and felt a tinge of guilt at his receding sad eyes. Slowly, her legs, unused to so much activity, grew tired. Her heart beat slowed and the anger abated. The air was cool, the sun was warm and the flowers spread a sweet fragrance in the air. Her pace slowed, and she realized that she was enjoying herself. Tears of joy filled her eyes as she stopped, taking in the sight around her.

The huge, two storey mansion rose a little distance away to the left, with large windows and wide balconies. The gardens surrounded the building, filled with colourful and fragrant flowers, and she stood at the edge of one. Where the gardens ended, lush grass took their place, sparkling with the morning dew. The grass covered an area of nearly seven acres, contained a shed, a stable and a small patch of agricultural land, and finally gave way to the forests surrounding their property. Though she couldn’t see it, Ritika knew that a wide road wound around the entire property and connected to the main road on one side and to the road to the building on the other. A little distance away in front of her, Ritika saw the tiny sheds and residence quarters of the families who took care of the cows and buffalos in the shed. The stables stood only a little distance away from the shed, and even though she tried, Ritika couldn’t spot the two horses that were kept there.  

On an impulse, she walked towards the stables, searching for Hero. She had given no thought to what would happen to the families and animals that lived here once she left. Anjali would have thought of something. Her lawyer would have some ideas about what people did in such a situation. She felt torn between the responsibility that she felt towards them, that made her feel like she needed to make some arrangements for them, and her desire to just let it all go, to run away now that Aarav wasn’t here to help her at every step.

She looked at the stables for a few minutes, reliving moments from the past when Aarav would go horse riding with her. In these memories, the pain of loss would go away; she could pretend she wasn’t here and now, but then and there. She blinked away the daydream, and walked towards the stables. As she approached the wooden structure, she noticed the pair of swishing tails in adjacent stables and smiled. Love bloomed in her heart, along with affection, and the lack of any pain attached to these emotions felt new. She walked to the front of the animals, patting their heads and muttering loving hellos. In the beginning, having never witnessed such thorough-breds, the sizes of these huge stallions would scare her. But over the years, the hesitation and inhibitions had dropped away. Hero neighed and happily laid his face in her hand, having found his mistress after a long time. His brown coat was as shiny as ever, white mane and tail hair clean. General looked good too. He was a light grey, a difficult colour to keep clean. Both horses looked healthy, clean and well fed. Ritika felt guilty for having neglected them for so long, and also grateful that the stable man had taken care of them so well in her absence. She looked into General’s eyes. Maybe it was imagination, but he looked sad. He had lived only two years with them, and she could still remember the day he had arrived.

“General?” she had laughed, “What kind of a name is that?”

“It’s a perfectly good name,” Aarav had said stubbornly, patting his new horse affectionately.

“It’s not a name, it’s a... post!”

“A name like General is powerful; generals lead armies,” he had replied dramatically.

“And what battle are you heading into?” she had asked mockingly.

“The battle of life,” he had said enthusiastically, a glint in his eye, “We need a fighting spirit, you know, to win the battles of life!”

She had rolled her eyes then, and mounted her horse with a smile. 

But his words had been so true. A fighting spirit. That was what she needed.

“General,” she whispered to the horse, as it enjoyed for her attention. He looked around for his rider, and Ritika’s heart broke.

“I miss him too,” she confessed quietly, “Very, very much.”

She hugged the horse, pretending it was Aarav. It made her feel better and worse at the same time. She had someone who shared her pain, but it was so sad that she was being consoled by a horse. She felt pathetically lonely.

“Don’t worry,” she cooed to the horse, “I will take care of you. Aarav being gone doesn’t mean you’re alone. I’m still here for you.”

She heard running footsteps and took a step back from the horses, feeling embarrassed. The stable-boy’s son came and stood next to her, his face breaking into a smile.

“You want to ride, madam?” he asked expectantly, his eyes darting to the riding gear hanging in the corner. Ritika racked her brain for his name, and felt relieved when she remembered it.

“Bunty,” she said, and immediately saw the effect of being called by name on the boy’s face. He looked happy, proud. She noticed the open book lying on the chair next to the stables. Bunty knew how to straddle the horses, how to take care of them. He sometimes worked in lieu of his father. But she was not here to ride.

“Shouldn’t you be studying?” she asked.

He glanced back at his book, and then looked up at her defensively.

“I was studying,” he explained, “Dad’s gone to the marketplace for some more supplies. Hay and stuff. I was keeping an eye on the horses.”

Ritika nodded, wondering if she would be able to breathe if any more guilt piled on top of her fragile, broken heart. Of course they needed supplies. How were they paying for them? How had they got their salaries and money for maintenance for the past two months? Had they got any? And yet things were working very smoothly. She made a quick mental list. All the gardeners, farmers, stable-men, even the house staff, for God’s sake! She needed to check on the status of their work and payments. She felt tired, panicky, but strong at the same time. She wouldn’t let things fall apart. Aarav would be horrified to see his lovely home in a mess.

But he would be very happy to see it being sold, isn’t that so? mocked an inner voice. She shook it off, wondering that if not for the discussion on the breakfast table, would she have ever woken up to her responsibilities? And it was so late now. 

Was it? Why did she have to leave? Taking care of this place itself was such a big job, a good enough purpose for her life. She looked at Bunty, who was staring at her as though worried for her sanity. She smiled. She needed to stop getting lost in her own head. She had people to care of.

She ruffled his hair and smiled.

“You go study. I don’t need anything. I was just looking around. Tell your dad he should talk to me if he needs anything, ok?”

Bunty nodded and continued to stand next to her. She smiled and walked off, looking back to check if he returned to his book. He did.