Nerd Squared [COMPLETE]

7 || Happily Never After

The ending of my Junior year was not one for the books. I ended up almost dropping out of my math course, I sprained my wrist, and I broke my heart.

It was a normal day, I was working at Phoebe's, Collin was sitting at the counter, and my shift was almost over.

"You about ready to go Collin?" I asked from the register. He nodded without looking at me, and I felt uneasy, but I pushed the feeling down inside me, and served two more people before hanging my apron in the back  room and met Collin outside.

"Let's get this show on the road." He smiled at me, and my unease was put to rest, but as the silent car ride dragged on, I knew something was coming.

He stopped in front of my house, and I hastily slid out of the passenger seat.

"Charlotte?" His voice came from over the top of the car, he had gotten out and was watching me.

The nerves on his face were obvious, and the only time I knew guys got this nervous was when breaking up with someone, or proposing to them, and though I was terrible at math, I knew the probability of the latter coming was slim.

"Yea?" I pressed my nose to the back of my hand. I was trying to prepare for what was coming, but it seemed impossible.

"I really hate to do this..." He trailed off, I looked up at him scratching behind his ear.

"Just do it." Rather than sadness, at this moment I was frustrated, I figured this would come eventually, but it was still aggravating.

"Charlotte, I love you, I really do, but this isn't working."

"Yea, you love me so much, that's bs and you know it." I knew I was going to cry, and I wanted this to be as quick as possible so Collin wouldn't see.

"I do, I love you, but this isn't working."

I thought back to all the performances of mine he'd missed, the days where it seemed like it was all about him, the times where my problems were made small against his.

"It's never worked Collin. You don't love you, you love the idea of me. A math whiz and a prodigy, the academic wonder and the musical ingenious. You wanted me to make you feel better. You can kindly just go away now."

The anger I had felt those times where he made me feel small, it boiled and rose, pushing its way out of me now, at a time where I could lash out and feel no shame.

"You know that's not true. You know I loved you, fvck that, I still love you. But you made everything about you! I can't take all that."

"All about me?" I threw my hands into the air, "Me? I'm pretty sure I committed to music years before you, and I'm very sure that you knew that going into this.

And all about me? I'm not the one that missed your recitals, and acted like it was your fault. I'm not the one that refused to accept the responsibility for my flakiness."

"Oh, wow, I'm flaky? I don't remember not talking to you for two weeks after our first date. Or would you call it the first mistake." That was a low blow, even for him.

"Do you not understand anything?" We were yelling in my front yard at 6 o'clock, I knew my family was probably watching from the front room.

"I don't understand anything? I think you don't understand how to have a human relationship."

"See, there you go. I seemed to understand human relationships for about 6 months. We dated for half a year Collin. You just don't get it." I gritted my teeth, and started stomping up to my front door.

"Don't get what? What don't I get?" He followed me up the walk.

"I never had friends growing up, I had music-"

"There you go, I always took a backseat to music with you."

"That's bull and you know it. I put you ahead of music, despite my teacher's warnings, and damn do I wish I had listened to her."

"Oh yea, sure you do."

"I had music growing up, not friends. You can leave now asshole. I don't need you."

"So you're gonna throw six months away like that?" He was turning the tables again, a side of him I knew existed in the back of my mind, but a side I didn't think I would see.

"You're the one who wanted to end it. I just wanted to be normal."

"Yea, like you'll ever be normal. I hope you find your happy ending." His voice wasn't sincere, he was trying to break my heart further and I knew it.

"I told her. I freaking told her." I hung my head. I looked up at him again, full of the rage I felt that day with Ellie so many months ago.

"Told her what, that we would be forever? That we would be the sweethearts that made it?"

"No you idiot. I told her I wouldn't get a happy ending, because I'm not a princess, but make it about you, about my failures, sure. I think you'd better go now Collin Mark, and never come back."

He opened his mouth, like he was going to hit me with his words one more time, but closed it, making what I thought was his best decision that day. He turned and walked back to his car.

Flipping me the bird, he drove off, and I stood there on my porch, broken hearted.

My eyes flooded with the first tears, and I crumped to the ground. I knew this would come eventually, but I expected it to be gentler, to be before we left for college, not when I would have to face him for another year of classes, not with the spite that this had.

I listened to my mother come outside and sit next to me, holding me in her arms on our porch like she had when I was small and had scraped my knees. I knew my dad would be standing in the open door, wanting to fix everything for his daughter, but knowing he couldn't do anything.

I let myself be led to my room, and I let my mom tuck me into my bed like she had millions of times before. I let myself cry until I fell asleep, and I let myself begin to forget.