Brother Dearest
'Brother… it's been two years since you passed away and I have yet to tell myself to stop writing to you, every day I place these silly letters on your grave only to return the next day and find them gone… perhaps the wind blew them away… or perhaps someone snatched the letters, it doesn’t really matter, you can't read them anyway… Still I convince myself everyday that I should write to you because of…. 'Him' he said it might help.
Yes, indeed… I have changed a lot since you had left us; I'm not sure how it happened…. It's been raining a lot as well, every night I could hear the endless drops of rain tapping on my windows, on the roof, and on the grounds of London. Everyone… They're still grieving over you; they still hold on to the fake hope, the voice in the back of their heads that tells them you're still alive and one day you'd return to them.
I'm writing this letter to you from the uncomfortable hospital seat that I've been sitting on for a few days now… four days to be precise. Why? Because of 'him' that foolish man who you've been working with for Five years now, he had to risk his life to save mine…
'We already lost a Holmes, no way in hell we're going to lose the other' were the words he said to me, can you honestly believe that for once in my life… I froze, I couldn't move, I couldn’t speak… I was… worried… I was scared… I… cared…
Funny isn’t it? One day it might be the death of me like it was the death of you and possibly the death of my silver haired savior. I watch the people every day; they hurry to the Inspector's side as if they fear his heart would stop beating any second… ironic, I fear the same thing. That is why I have not left for four days now, unless of course work calls. These people pass me by as if I don't exist, and I'm thankful for that, they didn’t bother to ask about who I was or what's my connection to the Inspector even though he had held me as the bullet struck his body. Perhaps Lestrade was a good man that would take a bullet for a stranger and that’s why they never asked…
Why doesn’t he open his eyes? Brother dearest… could it be that we have mistreated the Detective Inspector for all of these years? Why was he silent? He had put up with your foolishness and my orders with no complains…. Why…. Do I feel so guilty? Brother help me… I don't want to care. It's such a disgusting hurtful feeling! I'm restless because I'm afraid the moment I close my eyes… his will open, or worst, I'm afraid I will miss the dropping of his pulse. How does one die in his sleep? Surely it's not painful but what do they feel? When their soul leaves their tortured bodies? I don't want to think of such things right now but I find that misery is all that I could think about, my 'mind palace' as you call it has turned into something horrific, something I don’t recognize… I'm so tired… I just wish to rest…. Even if it's just for thirty minutes. I just want to stop my mind from thinking.
Brother dearest, I never heard my heart beating so loudly before, so clearly I could hear it in the back of my head when his heart almost stopped beating! It took everything I had to keep my usual calm face bit brother…. I was screaming from the inside. I'm so tired of not being able to voice my pain, yet I couldn’t bring myself to speak. To… To say I'm sorry for everything you and I have done to the poor man whose heart almost failed him. I had to leave the room and let the doctors do their job… Another restless night. I wish you were here to occupy my thoughts with your childish behavior and your foolishness.
My mind was screaming at me now, it was telling me that this was my fault, that it should be me on the edge of death, and if it were me I don’t think I'd fight it, I'd simply let death take me to the other side… maybe we'd meet again.
Excuse my writing dear brother… it seems that my hands are shaking right now and I can't stop them, it's silent. Everyone is waiting outside of the Detective Inspector's room, perhaps for the news that he's going to fight death for yet another day, or perhaps that he had passed away. Be kind to him if he did, I ask you for nothing else except to pay him back for his kindness. We were alone in this world, and we were blinded… we tried pushing away the ones that cared about us and look where that got us… we chose to be this way to protect ourselves but it seemed that this just endangered us and the ones who love us. You were better than me at this if I must admit, you accepted John and you let him into your life, you loved Mrs. Hudson whom I know loved you greatly as well, Lestrade respected you despite the many ways you've angered him, and many others who you became a part of their lives… While I caved myself inside darkened walls. They were so dark I hadn’t noticed the man standing behind them… until now.
